Realistically, your family are probably going to be upset by some element of your wedding. You're going to forget to invite somebody that your great aunt loves. You're going to serve something that your cousin is allergic to. Christ, on the day you might not even have time to say hello to your own sister. But here's the thing: it is your wedding day and, all said and done, it doesn't matter if anybody is happy but you.
SO. Is it tacky to...
...Do a dance routine along with your first song? Hell yeah it is! It's going to be cheesey and everybody will laugh and it will be exactly everything you want it to be. Unless you're doing something sensual or taking yourself too seriously. I say it's better to create a dance routine than to awkwardly shuffle into eachother throughout your first dance.
Make it less tacky: make sure your dance routine is funny, that it's something other people will 'get' and that it's to a song everybody can clap along to. That way, people will laugh with you and not at you.
...Ask for money instead of gifts? Not as tacky as it probably once was. Traditionally, single people would live with their parents until they met their lobster and moved into a mutual lobster den. Now, we live alone until we live together and we already have duplicates of every appliance to bicker over. We don't need another toaster. But we do need money because hello, economic climate. HONEYMOON.
Make it less tacky: There are many poems available online which explain that if somebody feels they'd like to give you a wedding gift, money would be more practical to you. If you can, set up a wedding website and include the link on your invitations - that way, the tricky subject stays off your invitations and people can even donate online. It's all about making it easy and normal.
...Have your wedding party buy their own outfits? This one is tricky and totally depends on personal situations. If you can easily afford 6 bridesmaid dresses and your bridesmaids are on a shoestring, they could get pretty resentful. And if they're buying their own outfits you have no right to dictate what they buy - you only control it if you buy it. This becomes less about being tacky and more about creating inner-party discord.
Make it less tacky: If you'd like your ladies to match and you can't afford the dresses, explain to them that you've found the perfect dresses but budget doesn't quite allow it - ask if they could perhaps chip in at least a little bit. Be prepared that they might say no. If they do, no biggie, look for new dresses. They're just dresses and it's just one day.
Personally, I want my bridesmaids wearing whatever outfits they feel comfortable wearing, simply sticking to my colour scheme. I'm giving them a set amount each. If they choose to spend over that amount then that's on them. I am contributing enough to control the colour, they are able to wear the style of their choice. Everyone's a winner.
...Tell my guests to be in fancy dress? And by this I don't mean dressing fancy, I mean clown make-up or fairy wings or whatever. No it's not tacky to ask your guests to respect your wishes for your own wedding day, whatever reasons you might have. This applies to pretty much everything really - it's your day and you have the right to plan it exactly as you've always dreamed.
Make it less tacky: Explain on the invitation that you'd really love it if people were able to relax and get into the spirit of the party and come in something kooky. You could even offer some non-threatening costume suggestions: Godfather, Little Bo Peep - something people could adapt from something they'd wear anyway. Be prepared that people might just want to wear suits and skirts. If they do, again, it is just one day. What your guests wear doesn't impact your marriage. And it shouldn't be taken as a personal slight unless you're told it is one.
Ultimately, the solution to every tacky problem is simply to communicate, explain that you're doing something because you like it and respect it if others don't agree. Don't be upset; your wedding day has not been ruined. You still have the people you invited, and they're there simply to celebrate your love. Roll with it. And show up wearing something tacky to their wedding next year.
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