Our Wedding: Part 2

If you didn't see our stress-free 'day 1' post, click here so you know what I'm talking about!

On Saturday morning, we had to wake up pretty early. Jay had to go back to Milton Keynes, pick Jelly's best friend up and pick up the few last things. We figured this would take a couple of hours each way, so he left at around 7 in the morning I think, after we had a nice cup of tea from our new Mr & Mrs cups. I went to my Mum's cottage next door (my family rented all of the holiday homes onsite) and we chatted and looked through the photos from the day before as she got to work making some food for the buffet table later on. I had hired my friend (and second maid-of-honour) Kathy to do my make-up and I got a text from her at about 10am saying she'd arrived, so my Mum and I made our way up to the main house so I could start organising bridesmaids and food up there. All of the decorations were at our holiday home in big, heavy boxes, so they would have to stay there until Jay got back with the car and could take them all up.

When I got up to the house, I started STRESSING. I was concerned that the ceremony would begin at 3 and nothing would be ready. I had lots of lovely family around me who plied me with wine and told me that the wedding being postponed would be fine, because we didn't have a priest or anything who would be kept waiting - my Mum's husband was performing our garden ceremony, so we were completely on our own time frame. I had more wine, started to calm down a bit, but I felt pretty anxious as I got no response from Jay, or got texts from him saying he was still in Milton Keynes. I didn't see how he could get back in time. Nobody let me do anything, which was lovely of them, but also caused stress at the time because I just wanted to get stuck in and get everything done. As friends and family arrived, some of them got to work setting everything up. I had planned the decorations on my own, so when Jay got back and didn't know the answer to anybody's questions, I was getting constant calls asking what went where and who was to do what. I just drank more wine and ended up telling everybody on the phone I didn't care where it went, just put it where it looked nice. Probably my only Bridezilla moment was how stressed I got with the constant phonecalls and texts that day!

Somehow, it all pulled together. I heard Jay's voice and suddenly my stress melted away. He got to work, my family helped getting the kids ready and preparing all of the food, I got my make-up done and it was time to get into my dress and wait for the moment I was called downstairs because we were all ready to go. I waited inside the patio door with my nearest and dearest, being told that Jay was in position and it was time for me to head over to the garden where our ceremony was about to be held.

As I arrived I heard my Mum say "no, she has no idea yet" and my heart stopped. PANIC. What didn't I know? What had gone wrong? Everyone just smiled and said don't worry, everything is fine. My Dad slipped his arm through mine and we started walking down the aisle. And then I saw it.

Standing next to Jay and his two best men, Stacey and Brad, was my Mum's husband, ready to perform the ceremony. We had told him to wear whatever he felt comfortable wearing, and he did. He was dressed as Batman. Yep. We were married by Batman. It was hilarious and I felt more at ease straight away. We each wrote a set of vows and it was so nerve-wracking having to read a speech infront of everybody, but I felt amazing after I had done it and I'm so glad we decided to write our own. After the ceremony we got our parties together so that anybody who wanted photos could take some (we didn't hire a photographer, instead my Mum very kindly took our photos for us) and then Stacey and his girlfriend Lisa manned the BBQ for the rest of the day while we ate, drank, laughed, chatted, played lawn games, heard speeches (my brother Hugh gave the BEST speech ever) and had a pretty intense swingball tournament.

Our cake toppers

For all the stress, it was a perfect day and I wish I could go back. I'm pretty sure it was the hottest day of the summer and although about 20 people who said they'd be there didn't turn up (and I got apologies from about half of them - the others haven't even congratulated us let alone apologised!) it was actually perfect exactly as it was. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Heather (my Granny), my auntie Kerren, me, Emma (my Mum), my auntie Katy

Getting married by Batman

My two maids of honour, Kathy and Kerren (my auntie)

Instead of confetti we had people blow bubbles over us

My maids of honour and bridesmaids

Jon, Stacey, Hugh, Jay, Brad and Derek (my Dad) - My Dad ended up moving places as Brad gave him a complex being so tall!

Moo wearing Grandad's Batman suit

Jelly enjoying some of the lawn games

My auntie Katy

The moment I spotted Batman

Our Wedding: Part 1

It seemed only natural to split this in to two posts, not only to make it less image heavy (the second one more than this one!) but because our wedding took place over two days.

On the morning of the 7th of August 2015, we woke up at our holiday home in Braunston buzzing with nerves and excitement for the day ahead. We decided it'd be easier to head back to ours to get ready, since we had to get married in Milton Keynes anyway, so we packed up our things (along with a big box of much-needed breakfast pastries to line our stomachs) and made our way over to ours, where my Mum and co had stayed the night before.

I did my own hair and make-up on Friday, and spent my morning trying to get ready as calmly as possible. We got the kids sorted, shared breakfast with family and friends and answered texts from those who were wishing us luck, apologising that they couldn't make it or double checking what time they had to be where.

We were getting married at the registry office in Bletchley, and they weren't kidding when they said limited parking on the website. Luckily we had left early and after driving in circles for ten minutes or so, we found a space that gave us one hour and decided we were basically going to have to run back from the ceremony to make it back in time. I'd seen my friend Kathy driving around to find a space too, so I sent her a quick text telling her which car parks not to even bother trying, then told her I'd see her inside.

I love that we have the same "what are you doing?!" face here

Once we were in, Jay and I had a quick interview with a couple of members of staff, one of which being the superintendent registrar who performed our ceremony. We got the fright of our lives when the woman doing the paperwork told us "I'm afraid we have to start with some bad news... We forgot to take a payment from you at your last meeting and unfortunately we can't perform the ceremony until we receive it". Luckily it was just the £4 for the certificate and we were able to find the change for her quickly, but our hearts stopped for just a moment! Jay was taken into the ceremony room and suddenly I was sitting in silence with a woman I didn't know, listening to our wedding CD playing, Moo causing mischief, everybody laughing at him and Jay telling him to sit nicely. I was lead to the hallway, where my brother was waiting (and scolded for playing on his phone!) to give me away. Suddenly it was time. I linked my arm with his, we took a deep breath and in we walked together.

Once we got inside and I saw everybody smiling at me, my nerves all but vanished. I grinned the entire way through the ceremony, and Moo running around behind us, shouting at the top of his lungs and hiding behind curtains and under chairs was actually exactly what I needed to break the tension. We laughed, he cried (I didn't! Woohoo!) and we high-fived after we said 'I do', and it was better than I could have planned it. We posed for some photos after signing the register then ambled back to our car. Luckily everything had ran smoothly and we had plenty of time before our parking ran out!

Jelly did a reading of 'You Are Not Your Age'

The rest of our day was pretty relaxed. We headed back to our holiday home, where we had friends and family popping round all day. We bought a tonne of salad and ready cooked chicken and laid it all out for people to grab if they were hungry, Jay and some friends went on some last-minute party errands and I waited in for deliveries and started cooking burgers for the next day. 

I just love how fed up I look walking back here!

We went to bed on Friday night feeling pretty accomplished, commenting that we couldn't believe how stressed out people got about their wedding day. If only we'd known what the next day had in store...

Wedding Wednesday: Nervous Tummy.

Sometimes you write a post because you need to and you don't know what it's going to say until you've written it. This is one of those posts.

Our legal wedding is in nine days; our blessing ceremony/reception in 10. The relevant paperwork was completed weeks ago. Our RSVPs have been finalised. Drinks and food paid for, crafts probably 75% done, playlist even closer to being finished. We've got a few things to finish, and then we just have to get there and get married. That's it. And yet for the first time in this entire process I am feeling stress.

I've mentioned before that I felt like I was cheating at being a bride; every decision was breezy, I planned and organised everything so that I'd never feel any stress and I've had no problem asking for help (and being offered help by wonderful family and friends) so I haven't really needed to go 'bridezilla' at any point. But now I'm torn between wanting to get everything together and just get the day over with, being sad that my time as a bride-to-be is coming to an end, being excited to get married and over-thinking every aspect of it. Will the weather be bad? How will I stand in front of people and talk? What can I say that isn't corny and cliche? Am I going to have 'nervous tummy' on the day (my whole life, my natural response to anxiety has been vomit. Lots of vomit.)? Will my social anxiety take over, will I want to hide away? Am I going to look ridiculous and feel uncomfortable? Will everything I've worked on look awful when I put it all together?  Will I be taken seriously as a bride?

Deep down I know that this is nothing but normal anxiety, stress finally catching up and giving me my fair share. I'm just not sure how to cope with it, or what brides say to themselves to make it better. How surreal am I going to feel, standing next to Jay and turning into a wife?! I was less stressed about becoming a Mum, probably because it was all out of my hands and all I had to do was turn up and do I as I was told. And maybe that's what I should tell myself now: you've prepared for this, you're ready, just turn up and forget about all of the other people. 

Or maybe I'll just spend the next 10 days vomiting. Either's good.

Wedding Wednesday: TWO Wedding Days?!

Somewhere along the line, between booking our perfect reception venue and checking we had all of the right ID documentation to do the actual getting married thing, somebody booked August the 8th at our local registry office.

I shouldn't have been surprised; I'm aware of at least three other brides who are sharing my day, and local brokels (I went for local brides and local yokels there because I'm CLEVER) probably chose the date for the same reasons I did. It's a weekend. It's the school holidays in both England and Scotland. It's 08/08 which is nice and neat. August is a popular wedding month. I get it, I get it, and I shouldn't have left it so late to get this stuff finalised. So, this morning, I spoke to my local superintendent registrar and she informed me that the 8th of August was all booked up, sounding pained and uncomfortable as I'd just revealed that I'd already booked my reception.

"Oh, that's okay" I said. Easy, breezy, beautiful. "My reception isn't like a proper reception. It's just like people getting together to celebrate. It doesn't need to be on the same day. Just, like, some time within the next week or something would be cool!" I surprised myself with the ease at which I said these words. Not as much as madame registrar, who sounded very confused, spluttered a little bit then said "is the 7th okay?"

And here's why it is:

• We get to enjoy not one, but two wedding days. It's a wedding weekend, y'all!
• We have now cut our special day in half. Meaning, the busy morning and the busy afternoon are separated. Meaning, we have time to process and the stress level has just been slashed.
• We have a moment to step back and take in all of the best moments, instead of getting caught up running from place to place to make things on time.
• Our reception is a 'blessing ceremony' anyway. I'm not even wearing my dress to get legally wed so, really, the wedding day that everybody is going to see (only immediate family invited to the legal bit) is our proper special day that we wanted to share with anyone.

A year ago, the very idea of this situation arising would have filled me with panic. But as this wedding lark has gone on, I've come to appreciate the singularity of it all. I'll never be engaged again. We'll never get married again. We'd never have had a wedding day again but, guess what? Now we've got two. And we've got two whole days to soak up the happy. :)

Is it tacky to...?

If you're planning a wedding and have to ask yourself "would that be tacky?", the answer is probably yes. But does that mean it's wrong?

Realistically, your family are probably going to be upset by some element of your wedding. You're going to forget to invite somebody that your great aunt loves. You're going to serve something that your cousin is allergic to. Christ, on the day you might not even have time to say hello to your own sister. But here's the thing: it is your wedding day and, all said and done, it doesn't matter if anybody is happy but you.

SO. Is it tacky to...

...Do a dance routine along with your first song? Hell yeah it is! It's going to be cheesey and everybody will laugh and it will be exactly everything you want it to be. Unless you're doing something sensual or taking yourself too seriously. I say it's better to create a dance routine than to awkwardly shuffle into eachother throughout your first dance.
Make it less tacky: make sure your dance routine is funny, that it's something other people will 'get' and that it's to a song everybody can clap along to. That way, people will laugh with you and not at you.

...Ask for money instead of gifts? Not as tacky as it probably once was. Traditionally, single people would live with their parents until they met their lobster and moved into a mutual lobster den. Now, we live alone until we live together and we already have duplicates of every appliance to bicker over. We don't need another toaster. But we do need money because hello, economic climate. HONEYMOON.
Make it less tacky: There are many poems available online which explain that if somebody feels they'd like to give you a wedding gift, money would be more practical to you. If you can, set up a wedding website and include the link on your invitations - that way, the tricky subject stays off your invitations and people can even donate online. It's all about making it easy and normal.

...Have your wedding party buy their own outfits? This one is tricky and totally depends on personal situations. If you can easily afford 6 bridesmaid dresses and your bridesmaids are on a shoestring, they could get pretty resentful. And if they're buying their own outfits you have no right to dictate what they buy - you only control it if you buy it. This becomes less about being tacky and more about creating inner-party discord. 
Make it less tacky: If you'd like your ladies to match and you can't afford the dresses, explain to them that you've found the perfect dresses but budget doesn't quite allow it - ask if they could perhaps chip in at least a little bit. Be prepared that they might say no. If they do, no biggie, look for new dresses. They're just dresses and it's just one day.
Personally, I want my bridesmaids wearing whatever outfits they feel comfortable wearing, simply sticking to my colour scheme. I'm giving them a set amount each. If they choose to spend over that amount then that's on them. I am contributing enough to control the colour, they are able to wear the style of their choice. Everyone's a winner.

...Tell my guests to be in fancy dress? And by this I don't mean dressing fancy, I mean clown make-up or fairy wings or whatever. No it's not tacky to ask your guests to respect your wishes for your own wedding day, whatever reasons you might have. This applies to pretty much everything really - it's your day and you have the right to plan it exactly as you've always dreamed.
Make it less tacky: Explain on the invitation that you'd really love it if people were able to relax and get into the spirit of the party and come in something kooky. You could even offer some non-threatening costume suggestions: Godfather, Little Bo Peep - something people could adapt from something they'd wear anyway. Be prepared that people might just want to wear suits and skirts. If they do, again, it is just one day. What your guests wear doesn't impact your marriage. And it shouldn't be taken as a personal slight unless you're told it is one.

Ultimately, the solution to every tacky problem is simply to communicate, explain that you're doing something because you like it and respect it if others don't agree. Don't be upset; your wedding day has not been ruined. You still have the people you invited, and they're there simply to celebrate your love. Roll with it. And show up wearing something tacky to their wedding next year.

So You've Just Got Engaged...

He asks. You say yes. You might even cry. You tell your family. You tell your friends. You clink a glass of champagne and seal it with a kiss.

And then what? When the news has sunk in (actually, it's been a little over a week for me and it's still not quite real), you want to get down to business and actually plan the big day. So what happens next?

Buy a pretty notebook and talk to your fiancé about the things you expect from your wedding. Talk about how much money you want to spend and how long you'd like to be engaged. Talk about colour schemes and wedding themes. Scribble furiously throughout this conversation (he might not want to regurgitate it all 4 hours later - trust me, I understand that you want nothing but to talk about it again and again, but he might not) and use it as the beginnings of your wedding plans. I have a page for 'budget', 'wedding party', 'clothes', 'food and drink', 'decor', 'venues' etc etc and I add information, prices and ideas as they come to me. I always keep my wedding notebook handy.

Look up the legal-eagle bits and bobs. Find out what you're going to need to do in order to actually legally get married (in the UK the minimum notice you need to give for your nuptials is changing from 16 days to 29 days from the 2nd of March), where it is legal to get married, and factor the cost of declaring your intention to marry (£35 each) and of being married by an officiant (£45 if you're married in a registry office) into your budget.

Buy pretty things for your wedding party and do what you can to make sure everybody feels special. Asking somebody to be your bridesmaid or maid of honour can feel a bit like proposing in itself, so have a look around online for a cute and unique way of doing it. Once I've asked my lovely ladies the next big question, I'll let you know how I did it!

Start a pinterest board and subscribe to blogs/newsletters/magazines that fit in with the theme and tone of your wedding. If you're a white-gown and up-do kind of bride, look for glossy mags. If you want to get married in the woods, you won't find anything in your local supermarket. Change your search terms on Google and Pinterest loads until you find the exact inspiration you're looking for. There is loads of brilliant information out there, and I've definitely got some ideas. Have a look at my wedding board on Pinterest here - bang! There goes the surprise of my theme! 

Sit tight, lady and try not to get too impatient as you realise that you can't plan it all in a day and have it go ahead tomorrow - as much as I know how you'd love that. My current status is: we have picked a date we'd love, we've got a meeting loosely scheduled with a venue and it's perfect, we're just hoping the date and price are both right. I've got my budget nailed down (more on that later), I need to wait for my bridesmaid gifts to arrive so I can talk to my girls about it, we've sort of loosely decided everything without having set anything in stone. And I'd love to have the money to just compile it all into one big list, click 'yes' and have it all go ahead tomorrow. Is waiting not just the worst thing?

Real life still from the moment I looked at my ring for the first time. Yes, unfortunately, I was dressed like that. I was even chewing gum. Video is EMBARRASSING!

Stop ignoring the rest of your life. I am so so guilty of this. The washing basket has piled up. I am finding it really hard to concentrate on my studies. Everything seems a little bit pointless when you've got a wedding going around your mind at a million miles a minute. Even Christmas day was a bit like "Yeah, great, presents, but I'M ENGAGED!" and it's so hard not to let that consume you. But you do still have to do well at work. You do still have to look after your home. Your priorities before your engagement are still your priorities now and ignoring them now only makes things difficult in the long run. So when you're meant to be reading about 19th century revolutions and you open a new tab on your browser and start looking at pink sapphire earrings (REALLY, FEE?) think about how important it is that you look at them right now. Maybe try to use it as an incentive - if you write 500 words, you get 15 minutes of wedding porn. 

At least you tried.

Are you planning a wedding? Did you have a quirky wedding that I need to see? Get in touch!