16 in '16.

The concept of 16 in '16 is simple; an opportunity to sit down, reflect on the past year and think about what things we did well, what things we'd like to do better in the future and, more importantly, what things we'd like to achieve in the coming twelve months.

Regular readers of BLF will remember that I'm not one for New Years Resolutions as such - I don't like the idea of setting unrealistic goals and filling life with unnecessary pressure - but I do love any opportunity to take stock and motivate myself with some realistic goals. So here they are: 16 things I'd like to achieve in 2016. I don't think they're unrealistic or unreasonable, and I definitely don't think they're too overwhelming. If nothing else, I can't believe that this time in a year I'll be ready to start my final term of University before I graduate! Say whaaaat?!

A three bedroom house
This is kind of an ongoing goal, really. We're living in a two bedroom, second floor flat at the moment. While it's great and we really appreciate having a family home (especially as we were awarded this house after a couple of months of homelessness at the end of my pregnancy), the kids are two and nine and it's really stressful to have them share a bedroom at such different stages of their lives. On top of this, we'd love to have a garden. Not only for the children, but we have three animals living in this flat who we would love to have easy access to the outdoors. In all honesty I think this is the most unattainable of my goals this year, because private rent is far out of our price range and there is a real limit on what is available in public housing in this area. We'll keep trying for swaps, but not many people want to swap a three bedroom house with a garden for a two bedroom flat three floors up.

At least one A
In my first year of University it became a bit of a running joke that I would get straight Bs for everything, and I'd really love to be able to push it just that little bit higher and get an A. Last year I was really disappointed every time I got a B because I'm such a perfectionist, and because I desperately wanted to prove I was good enough to get first class honours. I've had to realign everything in my head though; I'm a Mum, a wife and I have a job as well as University. If I have to spread myself between those things, maybe its okay not to be perfect. But at least one A would be nice.

Write the kids a book
We almost did it this year, but by the time the idea was solid in our minds we were almost out of time. Basically, we want a Christmas book for the children. I will write it, James will illustrate. We have an idea for a very specific Christmas adventure featuring members of this family, and I hope to get it written up when I have more time over the Summer.

Vlog at least twice a month
I've been enjoying putting vlogs together recently, but its not something I'm in a regular habit of doing. I figure twice a month isn't too much pressure. And hey - if I don't do it, who cares? It's meant to be fun, and I don't want to ruin it for myself.

Have draft of dissertation by the end of 2016
Here it is. The big one. I'm in quite a lucky position because I already have my idea in mind for my dissertation; I've even bought new stationery for it and done some very primitive research. I'd like for the next 365 days to be spent doing small amounts of work on it regularly, so that by the end of the year I have a complete draft and I just need to tweak over my last term. Let's be honest, it won't happen that way. But its always nice to have a goal. 

Make plans for 2017 home education
I spoke in the past about the possibility of home educating Mikey, and the more I have looked into it the more I have felt that it is the right decision for our family. I have joined some Facebook groups, made friends with some home educators and looked through various resources and now I am confident that it would be a positive lifestyle for Michael. Now it's time to start collecting my material. I also need to work on my patience. That's a worry of mine.

Manage finances
I also spoke this year about money traps that I just kept falling in to. This year I need to be more responsible with my money; plan ahead, stop with impulse buying. I have started a birthday list in Evernote where I'm planning ahead what I want to get people for their birthdays instead of picking up lots of little presents so they have loads to open. Quality over quantity in all aspects of life.

URB@N - Nail it!
This is quite an exciting development (for me - not for anybody else!) in in terms of my University career. URB@N is an undergraduate research project ran by my University and I have been selected to represent one of the projects. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say online, but I will be working with a really cool history website to create an online exhibition, as well as working with students to find out how the University can make online research more accessible to them. It's a really cool sounding project and an opportunity for me to step out of my comfort zone, throw myself into a project and hopefully get something awesome to put on my CV (as well as receive a bursary for the pleasure). I know it sounds crazy to put something else on my plate when it is already so full, but I feel like it's a waste to let an opportunity like this slip by. I won't be in University forever - if not now, then when?

Sit down as a family for dinner once a week
It's a bit crap that I even need to set this as a goal really, isn't it? Back when I was working full-time, I didn't get home until 8pm so I always ate late. We're still in the habit of making something for the kids, getting them off to bed and then making something for ourselves when we're able to relax and enjoy it together. While it's nice for us to have a kid-free (and therefore stress-free) dinner each evening, I understand it's important for the children to be able to sit and eat with us. So at least once a week we will sit together. I won't set a day. because I have quite a few late nights at University until the Summer. But I will definitely do it at least one day a week.

Learn five new recipes
I just feel like our range of dinnertime options is getting a little stagnant. James wants to buy a pressure cooker in the new year and get rid of our slow cooker - it's so heavy and cumbersome to wash, a pressure cooker is quicker to cook things and easier to clean. Along with that I want to learn some quick and easy recipes that the whole family will enjoy. Part of eating later than the children is also cooking two different meals every night. I'd rather offer lots of little things (cold meats, olives, salad, breads, cheeses, pasta salad) so that things are quick and easy to make, we don't get bored of what we're eating and I don't have to re-do everything later. That way, the kids can plate up their own food and take ownership over how much they eat. No more staring at full plates and moaning they don't want to eat it if they plated it up themselves!

Wardrobe overhaul - quality over quantity
See? Quality over quantity in all aspects of life. Instead of buying cheap bits and bobs on eBay which are ill-fitting and fall apart after a few wears, I want to gather quality pieces of clothing that I totally love and which fit like they were made for me. I am so done with the majority of plus size brands (more on that at a later date...) so I want to seek more independent plus-size retailers. Sure, it might cost a little more. But it's important to support small businesses, and you know your clothing was made with passion and not just the drive to milk you for cash.

Fashion blogging
With nice clothing comes the opportunity to blog about it! I want to get out more to take more outfit pictures. I really enjoyed my first fashion post last month and I got a really good response from readers, so I'd like for that to be something I can continue next year. Plus, what better excuse is there to buy more dresses?! Yes please.

Work on my brand
I've got a big overhaul of this blog coming up, including a totally new design and hopefully a new feature or two that I think you guys will love. Once my new design (and therefore new logo) is good to go I want to get myself a set of good quality business cards and work more on getting my name out there. 2015 has been awesome for me in terms of establishing myself on the body positive and plus size scenes, so I just want to build on that more and more wherever I can. This will also include attending more events!

Help other people more
In the last few days I have received some amazing messages from fellow bloggers about the impact my body positivity (particularly on Twitter) has made on their lives. That feeling is just immeasurable. I'd like to team up with more ladies this year, offering more positivity and hopefully helping more people see the brighter side of life. That's what it's all about really, isn't it?

Topcashback
I've set myself a little goal to use Topcashback for every online purchase possible in 2016 and see how much money I can make. I have set the release date for all cashback I earn as 1st December 2016 so it will be a little bit extra in my account over Christmas time. I've been using it a month and have made £30 so it'd be nice if I had £100 or so by Christmas 2016. If you'd like to get in on the action and earn cashback on your online purchases, you can sign up here! (Not sponsored, but I do get cashback for referring somebody - and you will too!)

See more of our family/friends
This is just standard really, isn't it? The majority of my friends live in 'internet land', so I'd like to be able to meet up with more of them on a more regular basis. I've already got a pancake breakfast date set up for next month, which is awesome! Our family members are dotted all over the country too, so it'd be good if we got to make a trip or two to see some of them this year. My family 700 miles away are maybe a bit far, but my in-laws live in Dorset so a trip to the seaside definitely needs to be on the cards this summer.

I'd love to hear your 16 in '16 if you have one - and either way, I hope you have a happy new year and a wonderful 2016.

What my friends would like to achieve in 2016
Obviously our goals won't always be in sync with eachothers (although sometimes they are!) - good luck to each and every one of these gals. Whether their idea of a perfect 2016 matches mine or not, I hope they fulfil all of their wishes for this year.

Charli, Kerry-Ann, Tanya, Katt, Kitty, Becky, Vicky, Cathy, Becky, Lucy, Nikki, KJ, Charlene, Murder of Goths, Daisy

Six Money Traps I Keep Falling In To

I considered writing a Christmas budget post, but I think there are so many of those already that I decided to take things in another direction.

Money is definitely tied to mental health for me. No money = STRESS for everybody so that isn't a shocker, but with me, lots of money = buy ALL THE THINGS! with no regard for the total that might be left in the bank balance. I used to be really on track with my spending, monitoring every penny, spreadsheets all over the place. I even walked around Tesco with a calculator! Now, though, my finances aren't as tight so I allow myself to be a bit more free, probably as a reward for how difficult it was when I WAS forced to monitor it all so accurately. Unfortunately, this has got me into trouble in the past, and there is nothing worse than falling into these traps at Christmas.

1. PayPal delayed payments. Now, this feature is my BFF and my very worst enemy. The premise is that you can buy something now, PayPal will pay for it and they will take the money 14 days later so that you can receive your product and check you are happy with it before you part ways with your cash. It's a great idea on the face of it, and when it's a few days before pay-day and I'm gagging for a Dominos, I definitely abuse it a tad too. However, I often fall into the trap of not realising the 'pay after delivery' option has been selected. A week later, I think the payment has been taken and I go and spend money I think is mine, but it really isn't. And then PayPal lets me know they're debiting my account and I start freaking out and selling my stuff straight away to make up for it.

2. Shoddy deals at supermarkets. James actually takes photos of a lot of these because we come across them so often, but basically not every deal you see in a supermarket is a good deal. For example, you can buy one pack of sausages for £1.50 or two packs for £3.00. You see the yellow sticker and grab that second pack because it MUST be a good deal if Tesco says it is. But, um, you just got tricked into buying 100% extra of the exact same product, with a 0% saving. What's worse is when it is £1.40 per pack or two for £3. You've actually just paid 20p extra for a second pack of sausages (or whatever) you didn't even go to the shops to buy.

3. Earning cashback. I've set myself a little target of not withdrawing a penny from my topcashback account until December 2016, so I will have a nice little sum to withdraw right in time for Christmas. I think it's brilliant that you can buy the things you were going to buy anyway, and make a bit of the money back for yourself. What isn't brilliant, though, is buying a little bit extra so that your cashback balance is boosted a little bit. For example, I don't need any new skincare right now, but if I get an email telling me that Clarins are doing 50% cashback for the next two days, I definitely want half of the cost of a tube of moisturiser in my cashback fund for Christmas next year. So I buy something I didn't want or need, because it is presented to me in a way that tells me I am physically earning money by spending. It's so silly, right?!

4. Not doing a weekly shop. In fact, I try to make it a fortnightly shop at least and then just buy the staples to top up. It is so easy when your life is busy to go into Tesco each night on the way home and grab something to cook. Or pop in to Tesco to buy something new for lunch because you're feeling disillusioned by the contents of your cupboards. I always tell myself I need to do 'the big shop' and plan our meals better so we make the most of our food (and don't bin it! I want a chest freezer because I need frozen EVERYTHING so it doesn't go off before I get to it!) but I guess I just come up with excuses not to - it's easier, it's quicker, you don't have to carry a tonne of bags up to the second floor when it's bit by bit... But they're just that: excuses. And really I'm doing myself out of money.

5. Not returning clothes which I don't like, or which don't fit me. If I buy something and it's too small I put it to one side and think "I'll return that". And then a packaging slip gets lost. Or I think about how long it'll take to get a refund. And then I worry that the item will get lost in the post. And then the deadline to return it has been and gone. So I hang the too-small clothing in my wardrobe and sell it a few months later for about a tenth of what I paid for it. I sometimes wonder if shops make it intentionally difficult to return things so that they can keep your money, but other people seem to manage it so maybe it's only difficult to me.

6. Not shopping for celebrations with a list. I spread the cost of birthdays and Christmases by buying throughout the year, which is really great because it means I never have a big birthday cost (especially as both kids are in April) or a big Christmas cost all at once. But what it does mean is that I buy lots and lots of little things. Great from the kids' point of view because they have a ridiculous amount of [small] presents to open, but actually there hasn't been a birthday or Christmas since Michael was born that we didn't find presents we'd forgotten about stashed somewhere AFTER the big day. In 2016 I need to plan exactly what I want to buy and find the best deals, rather than picking up everything I see on offer each time I visit a shop/go on eBay.

Are you rubbish with money too? If not - help a sister out with some tips!

Christmas Eve Traditions

In a way, Christmas Eve is just as special to me as Christmas Day. The house is buzzing with anticipation and excitement, and we have just as many routines and traditions. I thought it'd be fun to share a little run-down of how we spend Christmas Eve every year, incase you need some help preparing for the (second) biggest day of advent. Of course, Christmas Eve hasn't been yet, so I've used pictures from the Christmas period 2014. No, Mikey does not still have that dummy!

We try and get as much done as possible on Christmas Eve, so that Christmas Day can just be for opening, eating and swageing. I usually begin preparing Christmas food on about the 22nd or 23rd (wrapping the kilties [pigs in blankets], etc), but I will start cooking on the 24th. We also use the time for the kids to speak to family over Skype if they're not free on Christmas Day.

We get the house sorted. Bedrooms need to be tidy, because there needs to space for lots of exciting presents! And Santa doesn't want to be tripping over a room full of junk; he won't leave presents with children who can't look after them. All of our decorations are perfect, lit, and the house is in full festive mode by the time we go to bed (which is often after midnight on Christmas Eve - there is so much to be done!). We don't hang stockings by the fireplace, partly because we don't have a fireplace, but also because that's not how it was done when I was a child (despite having a fireplace then). Instead, the kids have pillowcase-sized sacks with their names on, and those are hung up on the ends of their beds.

After dinner, the kids open their Christmas Eve pack. This is a tradition I remember fondly with my brothers, so it was definitely something I wanted to do for my own family. The Christmas Eve pack includes a nice new set of pyjamas, a film or a game (something to do together), often a snack and then some reindeer food and a carrot for Santa's reindeer. The kids get into their soft, warm new jammies and get ready to snuggle up and watch something Christmassy.

Finally, right before bed, we set up a small table in preparation for the big man's arrival. We leave him a mince pie, a nip of whisky and a carrot for the reindeer. We also sprinkle the reindeer food on the balcony step so they know where to land. We take Santa's key off our tree and hang it on the outside of the door so he can get in, since we haven't got a chimney. Obviously he has a LOT of families leaving him food so he tends to just take one bite of the mince pie, but he always finishes his nip of whisky; he probably needs it to warm up after his long trip. Sometimes the children leave him a note, and when they have they've been lucky enough to receive a little reply which has been amazing for them on Christmas morning.

Do you have Christmas Eve traditions? We'd love to hear them!

Six Things That Changed When I Left Scotland

I grew up on a small island off the North coast of Scotland, moving to the South of England back in 2010. Let me tell you, my embarrassing trans-coastal accent aside, (is trans-coastal a thing?) you don't realise how much you love Scotland until you've left. And in the spirit of St. Andrew's day, here are six things that changed when I moved to England.

1. Breakfast. Only in Scotland do you specify that the sausage you want on your plate is to be a link sausage, because square (Lorne) sausage is the norm. I remember walking into a Greggs and asking for a roll and link sausage. They looked at me like I was mad. Worse still was when I worked at a Greggs in England, the customer asked for a roll and sausage and I replied "Link or Lorne?". And have you ever tried asking an English person for a tattie scone?Breakfast just isn't the same down here.

2. The weather. I'm not saying I miss Scottish weather, because you were twice as likely to have plans ruined by a rainy day in July up in Scotland, but I feel like if the rain isn't horizontally whipping you across the cheeks as you walk, it isn't real coat weather. And what's with the lack of snow down here? Facebook is a sad place every November; all of my relatives are frolicking and making snowmen, and here I am stepping in puddles. Rubbish. 

3. The insults. They're just not as good here in England. Scotland, the land where 'cunt' is thrown in casually into conversation, has perfected the art of the insult. So much so, that I have noticed a southern English tendency to emulate the Scottish method of speech when particularly angry - what would normally said 'baarstard' becomes 'BASS-tard' in a fit of rage. And, honestly, shouting "BYE NOO!" sarcastically after a disgruntled customer just doesn't have the same effect in England, where 'noo' isn't even a word but a vaccuum cleaner in the Teletubbies.

4. The terms of endearment. Why can't I call everyone 'hen'? Why does everybody need to be 'mate'? And to link back in to the last point, nothing disproves a lady talking shit better than "NAW HEN". It just doesn't have the same effect south of the border.

5. The drinks. Now, I'm not a heavy drinker whatsoever - to the detriment of my motherland's stereotype. But I did enjoy a tipple or two in my teenage years. Southern Comfort was my drink of choice, and it has come to light that my comfort-to-coke ratio has always been a little off. In fact, when Jay asks me for a drink, he now specifies whether he wants me to pour him Scotland or England measures. If you want to make a drink Scottish, just pour your nip of spirit as you normally would, and then pour it two inches higher. What's the point in a spirit if it doesn't fill the bottom third of your glass?

6. My accent. And I don't just mean the fact that my accent has actually changed in itself, I mean the attitudes towards my accent. When I grew up in the north of Scotland, I was mocked for the way I said certain words 'English'. Then I moved to Glasgow, where I was told I sounded like I was from Yorkshire. Then I moved down here, where my accent stood out and nobody could understand me. Five years on, my accent has mellowed following years of working with the public and being frustrated at not being understood. I now get constant comments from Scottish people about how "omg sooo English" I sound. I get constant comments from English people about how Scottish I sound. And instead of cringing at the occasional word, I now cringe at every word I speak. Because, um, who the hell sounds like this?! I feel like I'm putting on a fake accent!

So there you have it. I hated growing up in the middle of nowhere and I love my life here, but part of me thinks I would love to return to the motherland one day. For now, I have retired my tartan, binned my haggis and am living live as a filthy Sassenach. But on this St. Andrews Day I am tipping my bowler hat to my roots and acknowledging all the ways my life changed when I crossed the border. And now I'm older, I quite like that my accent may be English, but part of me will always be Scottish.

And no I'm not going to translate Auld Lang Syne for you. Why do people always ask me that?

The 'One Day' Dress

A month or so ago a 'motivational' photograph was posted on Facebook. "Every woman has a pair of 'they will fit me one day' jeans". I smirked; it wasn't so long ago that maybe I'd have been consumed by that kind of mindset. Obsessing over the notion that "things will get better IF I lose weight", that seems to over-arch the common experience of adulthood. How sad, I thought, to delay happiness because of the size of your clothing, and how well your body fills material based on the number on the label.

And then it hit me. I've still got my 'one day' dress. 

It was 2012 and I was in a charity shop in Kingston, Milton Keynes. Jay found a suit jacket in his size and was really pleased; it was almost brand new and super cheap. I spotted a gorgeous cream dress with a floral pattern on it, and an adorable heart-shaped cut-out over the cleavage area. My eyes were drawn instantly and I needed to have it. Unfortunately, when I grabbed the tag, I saw 'size 18' slapping me across the face. "No matter", thought 21-year-old Sophie. "I'll fit into it one day".

A screenshot from my instagram in 2012. Seeing my own words, and my own insecurities thrown out there for all to see in an attempt at justifying my own body, makes me so sad. Why shouldn't I have "rewarded" myself for the beautiful body I was in, instead of punishing it? My body is capable of brilliant things: in fact, at that very moment there were cells dividing without my knowledge, beginning the wonderful adventure that I now call Moo.

Because that's what I did. I dieted, I got depressed, I binged, I put on weight, I got depressed, and then the cycle began again. But each time was the last time. Every time, I started with a heart full of hope because all of my problems would go away if there was less weight on my body. How could I be sad when I was confident? Who could help but respect me if my stomach was flat? What would I have to worry about if I was fit and healthy? I could go shopping with friends and family without spiralling into depression because all of my attention was focussed on how nothing would fit me. In my mind, if my stomach didn't hang, I could conquer the world.

Anxiety doesn't work like that, and neither does depression. People don't work like that - they don't automatically decide somebody must be a bad person because they weigh more than them - and if they do, they're not people I want to know. I am happier and more confident than I've ever been; I have modelled for a plus size brand (and would be happy to do so again), I take more pride in my appearance than ever [unless I'm at  University. University would be lucky if I washed, let alone brushed my hair or even put some make-up on], I'm super happy to take outfit photos and promote my fat body in all its glory, and I have a solid group of friends who promote body positivity at any size. And so, just like that, I decided to get rid of the 'one day' dress.

I didn't make a fortune; it sold on eBay for about £1.50 plus postage. But it wasn't about the money I could gain, it was about my mental health. This was the last step in accepting that I am who I am and every body, at every size, deserves love and respect. And actually I would encourage anybody who is punishing themselves for being who they are to challenge their mindsets. If not now, then when? 

Navigating University With A Mental Illness.

I have often felt overwhelmed and just quit situations when they got too difficult in the interest of self-preservation, and part of me honestly figured that University would be the same. But I've worked really hard and I've changed a few things in order to make sure that I stay on top of everything and I keep my head and my heart in my studies. Here are some things you can do to make life in University easier when you have a mental illness.

1. Keep an open dialogue with your doctor and/or counsellor. He or she will be able to adjust medication accordingly, identify the things that make you struggle and recognise the difference between ordinary 'not coping' and 'not coping' because of your mental illness.

2. Work two weeks ahead. You don't necessarily have to do this, and actually I've had three assignments in quick succession this month so haven't been able to keep up to date with this, but I've found reading without a time pressure meant I was able to take a breath, read it slowly and even re-read it if I found something I was struggling with.

3. Maintain your system of organisation. In first year, my system was one notebook, rip the pages out and file them in the relevant folders once a week. Did I do that? Well, I still have most of my notes from the second half of the year laying around the house. This year I have one book per module and my weekly reading notes go in the back half of the book. That way, I only need to remember one item per module and everything is on hand.

4. Read fiction, too. Or other kinds of factual books, if that's your thing. Heck, even blogs! Things were not clicking last year and I was having a huge crisis of confidence, until I started reading some really easy-going fiction and I realised I was just overloading myself and my brain needed a break. 

5. Let your personal tutor know what is going on. I haven't gone into ins and outs with mine, but he knows I am on medication, he knows I signed up to University counselling (I didn't actually use it, only because local counselling became available) and he knows I stressed myself out so much that I ended up in A&E last December. Your personal tutor's job is to guide you through your studies, making sure you achieve the best grades that you can, so of course he or she is going to offer you tips for organising your time and lightening your own load. They are there to help, not to judge.

6. Utilise the resources your University has available for you. If your University offers mental health support, it'd be a shame not to take it. If you are struggling and need an extension on an assignment, don't put it off - things are easier if you speak up sooner rather than later. Join societies and study groups if you feel like you work better in a group, use the silent study areas if you want to work on your own. 

7. Lean on your friends and family. I have ranted away to family and friends at times, and I have been distracted at other times and it has just made approaching my work seem all the easier. If they understand your mental state, they will want to help you.

8. Pat yourself on the back for every achievement. Did you hand in an assignment that you found difficult? AWESOME! Did you achieve a 'pass' grade? Even better! At the start of first year it was the end of the world if I got a B, and now I just feel amazing when I hand something in or even speak up in a seminar. It's about singling out achievements and celebrating them instead of seeing them in the bigger picture and devaluing them.

9 Reasons I Love Vanessa Jenkins

For anybody who is not familiar with the wonder that is Vanessa Shannessa Jenkins, allow me to introduce her: she is the foulmouthed, sexually deviant best friend of Stacey from Gavin and Stacey, whose age remains a mystery and has anecdotal evidence for most of the world's leading figures of the 20th century (and 1/5 of noughties flop, Hear'Say).

I get it, guys. Anybody who has seen Gavin and Stacey will be raising an eyebrow and saying "really?" - why would anybody want to be emulate a chain-smoking con artist from a small town along the coast of Wales? Well allow me to let you in on my train of thought! 

1. She is a dedicated mother. Okay, so she smokes around "Neil the baby" without a second thought, and speaks through the baby monitor by starting "Oh, Neil, it's me. Vanessa." but the point is that she's always there. She's a clear advocate of babywearing, she co-sleeps (albeit using the baby monitor so she doesn't need to roll over to comfort Neil the baby) and she has made a clear effort to involve Neil the baby's father in his life, despite her general disgust towards said father.

2. She is a beacon of body positivity. Nessa wears whatever the hell she wants, raising a middle finger to the two F words - "fashion" and "flattering". As it happens, she rocks everything she wears, and in the case of her wedding dress she shows that she can flaunt what her mama gave her in whatever colour and style SHE likes.

3. She has a strong sexual identity. I don't think even Nessa knows how many people she has slept with, but I also don't think she cares. She's completely comfortable with her sexuality, challenging taboos such as female masturbation and why men can sleep around but women can't.

4. She is a good friend. Nessa is an honest and upfront friend who will tell you when you're acting out of order. She's comfortable around her best friend's family and will defend your honour in a heart beat.

5. She always honours her debts. In fact, she has been repaying Doris a pound a week since the 90s, and was sure to give Gwen the fiver she owed her back asap. And she was even honest enough to be upfront about the fact that it was a repayment, not a kind gesture.

6. She is up to date on current events. She has travelled the world, working from the ground up, dipping her toes into politics and is well read in different religions and ideologies. Fair enough, she doesn't always end her interest in politicians at the bedroom door, but at least she KNOWS stuff, right?!

7. Her honour system is flawless. You get what you pay for. So if you pay half for a visit to sit on Santa's lap, you get half the experience. If you pay for one full curry, you eat one full curry. While some might argue she is tight-fisted and squeezes money out of everybody she can, I would call her thrifty and sensible. Times are tough and she's a single mother who went between kipping in her best mate's mum's spare room, and living in a caravan next to the Welsh nationalists.

8. She won't turn down any work. Through the series we witness her being a fortune teller, Santa Claus, a street performer and an arcade attendant among references to previous roles in media and politics, and I totally identify with someone who wants to earn their living in any way they can. A job's a job, and she'll do it all if it means Neil the baby is fed and warm.

9. Nessa is one strong lady. It doesn't cross her mind that women should stereotypically be delicate and dainty, because that's just not who she is. I don't think Nessa would call herself a feminist, because I'm not entirely sure she even knows there are gender inequalities in the world. She just lives her life, breaking legs when she needs to. You've got to appreciate that level of self-sufficiency.

I get it: to some, Nessa is just brash. She's too much. But to me she represents a kick-arse, confident woman who knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. I wish I was a little bit more like Nessa sometimes.

Bletchley Park

I talked a couple of days ago about visiting Bletchley Park, and thought I'd share a couple of photos we took on the day. 

Jay is actually working with Bletchley Park as part of a project for University. He studies Interactive Digital Technologies, and his group have been challenged with a way to make the site more interactive and exciting. I won't go into the details of his idea yet (mostly because it's still very much a concept, not a design!) but we've had a couple of brainstorming sessions about it where he has bounced his ideas off me and I helped him land a pretty exciting idea. We decided to go along and get season passes today so we could explore the park together and figure out what would go where and such, and as a history student I was pretty excited to be going along.

I'm not going to lie. I was pretty disappointed. BUT, I see this as a good thing. There were a lot of spaces that could be utilised, a lot of dry information and I don't see children being interested in this at all, which is exactly where I think Jay's project is going to be perfect. If I, a second year history student with the benefit of a local connection, was not hooked, then what chance does an eight year old have?

What it lacked in interest, however, it more than made up for in props. A lot of the park I shuffled around feeling awkward because it was super quiet and I was incredibly aware of the staff in the room (which might have contributed to me just not being in the mood for a museum - I can't see why else I didn't like it because I love museums!) but whenever we found we were on our own and around props which weren't nailed down (literally), I grabbed them, pulled silly faces [I was mostly trying to look like Churchill] and made the most of our time. Okay so it wasn't the most exciting morning, but it was awesome to spend some time together without worrying about kids or animals, and just have a bit of fun on our own for a bit.

Sitting at Alan Turing's typewriter

Pondering the Enigma code at Turing's desk

One of the interactive activities was to turn a dial until you heard morse code, then work out what three letters were being spelled

An entirely photoshoppable image of me pretending to ring a fire bell

Standing very matronly next to a phone

Evidently outraged on the phone

Using another interactive exhibit. Blurry pic but my hair looks good so who cares ;)

I believe this was an attempt to look like Churchill...

OOTD: Polkadot Princess

Jay and I had a trip to Bletchley Park planned today (more on that to come!), so I thought it'd be fun to throw on one of my Lindy Bop dresses and take advantage of the pretty background. 

Unfortunately we couldn't find the 'good' camera so I've had to work with phone pictures, but I felt so cute with my fringe all plaited up and my make-up done that I wanted to take the time to capture the moment. 

I bought this Lindy Bop 'Audrey' polkadot dress  in their sale a couple of months ago, at the same time as two others (which will definitely be making an appearance on the blog asap) and I originally chose black and white because I thought it'd look cute with the pink petticoat I wore at my wedding. I actually found that it has amazing shape even without the petticoat, and teamed with my velvet cardigan from Scarlett & Jo for warmth purposes I felt like a vision in monochrome - despite the battered old blue and white slip-on shoes! Jay hadn't seen it before I put it on (I tend to buy things and put them in my wardrobe so it looks like I've had them for months and he just hasn't noticed), so when he saw it he told me I looked amazing, and he loved it when I wore polkadots. I got a bunch of comments about how dressed up I looked and if I was going anywhere nice, and it felt pretty good to say "nope, I just felt like getting dressed up". Long may this continue!

11 Ways I Am A Terrible Mother.

I'm not what many would call a 'natural' mother. Sure, I love my kids, but parenting didn't come easy to me. I didn't breastfeed. I used the 'cry it out' method. Exclusively those two things don't make you lazy but heck, if I see my kid choking I give it a second to see if he can figure out how to fix it himself before I jump in and fish it out. My parenting style has generally been to love them, to feed them, to hug them and anything else is on an "only if I REALLY have to" basis. I have now decided that I refuse to believe I'm the only one. Lazy Mums (lums?!) of the world unite! Here are 11 ways I suck at being Mum. No judgies.

I am a huge fan of the idle threat. When I say I'm counting to five, you'd better believe I'll be counting slowly. If I actually have to get up and do some parenting when I get to five, I WILL be mad. And I am currently going between phoning daddy and phoning Santa at least daily. They are much more scary than mummy.

I have never cut my son's nails. I don't know, I guess they're so flimsy they just fall off when they're ready. But Jay told me a story about cutting Jelly's nails when she was a baby and nicking the skin and it bleeding and bleeding. And because of that story, Moo's nails have never been cut. Hopefully he just magically learns to cut them himself and I never need to do it!

Sometimes I put Moo down for a nap just because I have shit to get done. I can't be the only mum, right? "I KNOW you're not tired, darling, but mummy scheduled two hours of revision* for today so just go to bed and watch a film". Yup. I also use Netflix as a babysitter sometimes. *Gilmore Girls

I totally have a favourite child. The favourite child is whichever one is pissing me off less that day.

I have lied about the time to make bedtime earlier. The worst part is Jelly is 9 and doesn't even check the clock, she just goes with it. Whoops!

I laugh when my kids fall over. I'm not talking "I check if they're okay and then I chuckle", I'm talking I straight-up piss my pants and IF I notice any blood or tears I half laugh, half mop them up. Sorry, kids. Mummy thrives on the comedy of your failures.

On that note, I've actually filmed my children throwing tantrums sometimes. I'm not really sure why...

I'm a moody Mummy. If I want to read "7 reasons you should be more patient with your kids", I think they should shut the fuck up and let me do it. Come ON, kids! Mummy's trying to ignore you!

I am fully aware that raising a child is not a competition, except that it is and my kids are winning it for me. Did I mention my two year old is fluent in German, Portuguese, Russian and Bulgarian*? *all a total lie. But didn't I win at parenting for just a *fraction* of a moment?

I'm one of those parents who SHAMES their children out of bad habits. IS THAT YOUR FINGER UP YOUR NOSE? I will bellow in Tesco. Yeah, my kids hate me. Grotty little buggers.

So let's have it, fellow lums. Do you suck too? A terrible admission shared is a terrible admission... Well, that I can laugh at. Do you feel like challenging me for my throne?

Dear Sammie the Fat Shamer

Dear Sammie,
 
I don't know you and you don't know me. I had never heard of your blog until you earned your medical degree and told us all that hundreds of scientific studies are wrong and that you are the sole researcher in plus size health (oh you didn't? Shocking.) and you hadn't heard of mine until I linked you to this post. You'll pretend you haven't read it, because that's what you've done to everyone who has presented you solid evidence so far, but hey. If you can exploit your narrow mind for views, why don't we all join in? I'll do it with proper grammar. I don't know what you "was" thinking when you wrote your last post.

I'm not even going to bore you. You know that some illnesses can cause obesity, you're just in too deep to backtrack. You know that mental health is a factor that can lead to illnesses relating to obesity, as well as illnesses regarding reproductive health, or illnesses which affect movement, because you've ignored the evidence proving this countless times over the last few days. And heck, illness or not, my body is not your concern - the only body you should worry about is your own, especially when you are causing people harm under the guise of help. The body you proudly announce you fill with tequila. I won't lecture you on what that does to your health because, guess what? YOUR health is not MY concern. For all I care you can pickle that liver, lady!
 
In fact, I was able to laugh off everything you said as ignorance and idiocy, nothing that hadn't been disproven before, until you decided to bring kids into it.

Now let me make this clear. I am "short, fat and proud of that". I put some solid man hours into these rolls (sarcasm, darling. Don't raise your blood pressure. Your risk is as great as mine with your alcohol consumption) and I reserve the right to rock them as I see fit. But I have two children and one of them happens to be a nine year old girl. And having her grow up in this whirlpool of self esteem and concern trolls is something I cannot, and will not, let happen.

This is Jelly. Like I said, she's 9. She wears age 12-13 clothing. She isn't fat, but she gets told she is. She got hips from her mama (biologically not me); the same person who gave her her flair for long-distance running (which I'm sure you'll agree takes fitness and motivation). Did you know that society told her to stand at the side of the playground doing jumping jacks because she doesn't fit into age 9 clothing? Did you know that when she was 8 she hid when getting changed at school because she noticed her stomach wasn't as flat as anybody else's? I'd let you know that she stopped eating snacks after that but you'd probably congratulate her. After all, it was you who said that "anorexia takes will power". (I tried to link to your tweet but it shows it has been deleted. Maybe you have some sense that you have overstepped the mark after all) EDIT: I found a screenshot, in all its glory. How AWFUL are you?! I've left your Twitter handle in, because I know how much you're loving the exposure this has brought you.

Jelly is hilarious, strong, fantastic at art, charismatic, personable, empathetic, a bundle of energy and friendly to everybody she meets. But, had she seen your words a few nights ago, she would have been told she was nothing more than the added elastic in her waistband. You are clearly a young woman with a lot of potential; you have shown me that you are committed enough to see an issue through to its bitter end, and I think that if you had some facts behind you and fought for the right things you could even be unstoppable. So why not drop the fight against beautiful bodies (who are usually much healthier than you give them credit for - do the research) and join us in the fight to tell every man, woman and child that he or she deserves to be beautiful, strong and wear fantastic clothing. You never know, it might help you with your own self esteem too.
 
Good luck with your research, and while you wait here is a post which will tell you how seriously people take medical advice over social media. Just so you don't waste your time again.
 
Busy Little Fee xo

Five Tips For Getting Over A Friend Break-Up

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Friend break-ups are a necessary part of life; we all grow in our own ways, and its unlikely that paths will continue to intertwine with every friend you've ever had. The happy friend break-up is natural and calm, a simple difference in direction, hopefully with a few coffee dates in the future to catch up and if not, hey, no hard feelings. But sometimes a friend break-up can seem exactly like a romantic break-up in that it is sudden, it is hurtful and your life will never be the same again.


Think of it as self-preservation
If you aren't going to be friends anymore, there is a very good reason: you and that friend were not good for each other. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is decide to just stop fighting a losing battle, look after your own mental health and quit while you're still ahead. And it is totally okay to put your own needs first. You need to be your own number one.

 
Let yourself grieve
Grief happens when our lives will never be the same again, so it is totally okay to wallow when a relationship has ended - just because it wasn't romantic doesn't mean it didn't mean something to you. You can eat that huge tub of ice cream if you want! And it's okay to cry if that's what you need. Similarly, it's cool to just want to be angry and rant for a while. But when you're done, come back to this step. It's natural to feel sad, and it doesn't make you weird.

 
Surround yourself with positivity 
Whether that be other friends, your family, your pets, making headway at work, knuckling down and achieving something - anything - is absolutely the best way to pull yourself out of a funk. Use that negative energy and channel it into self-improvement. When you build the foundations of an amazing new mansion, you don't feel sad about the dirty little shack you left behind.

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Reflect on the experience 
What about this friendship didn't work? Should you have been more assertive? Were you too assertive? Be honest with yourself so you can be a better friend to others. Or just learn what to look out for and avoid in other people in the future.

 
Break-ups are not a competition 
You might need to be around your ex-friend a lot, due to mutual friends, working or going to school together or just happening to frequent the same places. Be strong. Just because the ex-friend looks confident and like your break-up hasn't stung them at all doesn't mean that is the truth. And if it is, I guess you made the right decision getting the hell out of there. Don't get drawn into bitchiness, "who is more over whom" competitions, fake niceties or, worse, a full blown argument. Keep a cool distance; you are not in eachother's lives for a reason, so continue to stay out of eachother's lives now. You don't need that kind of negativity creeping back in.

  
Other than that, just be you. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Your friend was in your life for a reason, and now there is a better reason that he or she isn't. Be a good person, be strong and make some bad-ass new pals. And if those ones don't last either, there are plenty more bad-asses in the sea. Look for the ones who give you strength and you will never go wrong.

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