Showing posts with label bopo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bopo. Show all posts

Tuesday, 29 March 2016

10 Things You Didn't Realise Were Thin Privilege

For the purposes of research, I searched 'thin privilege' on Twitter last night. The results made me sad. Page after page of people rolling their eyes, saying there was no such thing as thin privilege or, worse, saying that if fat people wanted privilege too they should just lose weight. What actually went beyond sad and actually became laughable was the people saying that thin people had things worse than fat people. 

I think people are misunderstanding the definition of privilege. Privilege is: "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group". This doesn't mean that being thin gets you admitted into a special club with a gift basket and coupons for JuicePlus. It means that, although there are aspects of your life that you will struggle with - and those may or may not relate to your body - there are certain struggles you just don't have to face which fat people do. Admitting privilege is not undermining your personal struggles. It is just acknowledging that a group of people have struggles with something that doesn't personally hold you back in your own life.


Visiting a shopping centre to buy clothes


Scenario: you have a job interview. Or you need cheering up. Or you have a date. Or you want to hang out with your friends, trying on bad outfits to make a cheesey changing-room montage together (just me?). As somebody who is straight-sized, you are able to go into any shop and find clothes which you can pull on to your body. They might not fit you *just right*. Your feet could be hidden in fabric, your bum could look saggy, your top could be too low to contain your cleavage. But there are clothes that physically fit on your body in that shop. I cannot go into a highstreet shop and just squeeze my body into an item of their clothing. Your privilege is that it may not fit perfectly, but at least you are covered.



Cheap fashion

Ethical reasons aside, how I long to be able to buy a vest top for under a fiver. I wish I could go into Primark and leave with more than a travel mug and some sunglasses. I talked about how cool it was that fat bodies were being respected enough to be deemed worthy of high end fashion like the Beth Ditto range, but what about some cheap and nasty fashion? Your privilege is that you are able to treat yourself without spending as much money as me.

Planning trips ahead

You probably won't even think about this if you have thin privilege. There is a thought process that goes into every decision a plus size person makes, and that is: will I fit? Cinema or theatre seats come in small sizes, so is it worth paying for a ticket if I may have to leave? Last year I rejected a free trip to a theme park, very begrudgingly, because I knew I wouldn't fit in any of the rides. Will I be rejected from joining in with activities? Can I attend my best friend's 'assault course' hen party without being laughed at, or even being turned away because I won't fit in the tunnels? How big are the bathroom stalls where I'm going? Will people make rude comments to me? Even University can be stressful: I automatically feel less anxiety about a lecture if it doesn't have chairs with built in tables, because I can't fit behind those. Your privilege is that you are able to be spontaneous and enjoy life without worries based on your size.

Health lectures

Man oh man, it would be awesome to be able to be in a space where somebody could talk positively about their fat body without a concern troll wading their way in and judging your health based on the way you look. If you have read body positive media and wince about positive things being said about plus bodies, you are misguided. If you have read any of my posts about my own body (including this one) and assumed that I am an unhealthy person based on my appearance, you are misguided. But the problem is, you're not the only one. I live in a society where I have to tiptoe around my attitude to my own body because at any given moment I could be lectured about the extra layer of fat munching up my organs or whatever concern trolls are coming up with at the moment. Your privilege is that people don't assume to know your health based on the way that you look.



You can decide that things aren't offensive

When you are straight sized, there is a variety of media available to you that is tailored towards people with your body type and your mentality. Indeed, your mentality is perpetuated by this very media, and so the cycle begins. A big step towards body positivity is rejecting the messages that mainstream media spreads about your body, and 'call out culture' is an important tool in helping those who are not as far along in their journey as you are. If you are thin, it's not for you to decide that I "shouldn't be offended" or take things personally, because this media is FOR you, aimed AT me. Other than the fact that you can't just dismiss people's feelings because they don't fit your agenda, your privilege is that you can turn the other way when you see something you don't want to see. For a lot of us, there is no other place to go unless we create it ourselves.

Dating/friends - 'the fat friend' 'the funny one'

Dating or making friends can be hard when you're fat, because it's almost like you need to present and acknowledge that information up front and let people know how you feel about it. You've either got to be the confident fatty who owns his/her body, or be the apologetic fatty who is always trying to change it. As an unconfident fat person I always felt the need to 'make up for' the way I looked, using humour as a way to say "sorry for how I look, but don't go! I've got a great personality to make up for it! See?!" and honestly that is something I see so much of. Think of romantic comedies: how often is the fat woman the object of affection? And how often is she the butt of the joke? Your privilege is that you don't feel the need to alter your personality to suit people's attitudes towards your body.

It is assumed that you have self-control

Because every fat person wallows on their kitchen floor, stuffing themselves with cupcakes, right? Because every joke about "leftovers? What are they?" and "don't sugarcoat it or you'll eat that too!" is such an accurate representation of what it means to be fat, yes? Spoiler alert: fat people are regular people. I eat vegetables, just like you. I get full. I can leave half of a meal. I eat a varied diet, and sometimes I don't eat much at all. I don't chomp my way around life eating everything in sight. I HAVE SELF CONTROL. And the mere fact I even need to say that, and the mere fact that people will read this and think "yeah right" says it all. Your privilege is that you are allowed to be an authority on your own eating habits without judgement or doubt.



It is also assumed that you are capable of work

Being fat means living with the assumption that you can't move very quickly or for very much time. My evidence? Life. My husband is a fast runner and constantly being told "wow you've got some speed for a big guy". I worked 50+ hour weeks on my feet, running, dashing, squatting, not stopping for lunch breaks (that's right, I missed meals. And indeed THAT is what concern trolls should be worried about, because that is never healthy.) and it was constantly commented on with surprise that I was so fast and efficient. I saw a TV programme about employers that wouldn't employ fat people because they were labouring under the assumption that fat people would be dirty, smelly, slow and unintelligent. And they'd have missed out on a damn good worker if they'd have rejected me. Your privilege is that you are given a chance to prove yourself to be capable, it isn't assumed that you will be incapable or even a liability based on the way you look.

You don't receive judgement for exercising

I saw a phrase I liked once: I don't exercise because I hate my body, I exercise because I love my body. In other words, when you see a fat person exercising don't assume it means they want to change. A person can be fit, healthy and active and still be fat, and that is okay. I love the adrenaline rush after a good dance session or workout. I love lifting weights and feeling strong. But when you're fat and you exercise, people assume it means you must hate your body - or, worse, that you have some sort of 'goal' you are intending to reach. Your privilege is that you are allowed to maintain your fitness without it causing judgemental assumptions.



Justification for your body

And, finally, this old chestnut. It has long been said that there are "good fats" and there are "bad fats". Good fats have elements of their bodies that society are ready to get on board with. Hourglass figures are 'curvy' and therefore more likely to be sexualised. Some good fats have what society decides is a nice bum, or they might have a flat stomach. There is nothing about my body that society says is okay, and that is a-okay with me. But for many people, that thought can be really troubling. Your privilege is that society is happy to praise you for elements of your body that they deem to be acceptable.

You might find that only one of these applies to you. It could be a good 75%, it could even be all of them. Some fat people may not find that these apply to them, because they are in different situations than me and have access to different resources. And that is okay. It doesn't make you a bad person: what makes you a bad person is taking that for granted and denying that you are privileged. Be appreciative of what is positive in your life, acknowledge your privilege and be an ally to those who have less than you. 

Thursday, 7 January 2016

The Five Stages of Body Positivity.

It has been shouted from the rooftops of every body positive blogger: body positivity does not happen in one day. You don't wake up in the morning, suddenly 'healed' of your sadness and ready to shake what your mama gave you in the face of anybody who dared bring your appearance into question. Bo-po is a 'journey' in a sense, but one that doesn't necessarily have an ending - it may not even have a definitive beginning for you. Similar to grief (though the exact opposite in how it feels), it is something that can only be really processed in a manner of steps or stages.


Stage one: Immersion


It's impossible to really believe in something without doing your background research. The way I did this was to follow the blogs of other plus size women. I began with following plus size fashion (or fatshion) bloggers and was completely in awe of not only their confidence, but just their contentment. They were very matter of fact: this is my body, here it is in this pretty dress. They didn't focus on the flaws, and that was what really got me raring to go.



Stage two: Interaction


Reaching out to the people who are inspiring you is vital, because if they speak to you indirectly through their writing then imagine how they can affect you one-on-one. Interact in other ways than social media, too: attend events or seminars, swap business cards, join groups or clubs. Interaction is the only way to progress naturally from stages one to three in my opinion, and is also a helpful sounding board for you to bounce some of your own thoughts and ideas off in a safe and healthy way.


Stage three: Participation


Get out there! Start practising what you have admired in others. Throw on a pretty dress and a swish of lippy (if that's your thing!) and tell the world how proud you are to be you. This doesn't necessarily mean you *are* body positive. This is a key stage that I have also been known to refer to as "fake it 'til you make it". Essentially, this is joining in with the immersion stage; you become one of those people who inspire others. In my opinion, this is the stage where your feelings increase ten-fold, and you really begin to believe in yourself and your abilities.



Stage four: Exploration


I think it's important not just to educate yourself on that which applies to you, but to appreciate the journeys that other people are taking. If you're plus size, look beyond that and read about other peoples' experiences who are different from you, so that you can become their ally. Body positivity, contrary to the name, is not just about the body to me. It is a wholeness of mind and body; in other words, until my body and mind aligned I was not able to feel body positive. Expanding your knowledge and reaching out to others is the way to keep your mind healthy.


Stage five: Continuation


And as I said at the beginning of this post, your journey will never end. There is no day where you sit down and say "There. I have reached body positivity". At this stage it's important to remember that we all have down days. Days where you feel uncomfortable in your skin are absolutely okay and normal, and it's about letting yourself know it's okay and looking back at the previous stages for ways to refresh yourself. 




I believe I'm somewhere between stages four and five at the moment, with five being a stage that goes on for as long as you want or need it to - and will continue to be there for you to always return to.

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