Sometimes you write a post because you need to and you don't know what it's going to say until you've written it. This is one of those posts.
Our legal wedding is in nine days; our blessing ceremony/reception in 10. The relevant paperwork was completed weeks ago. Our RSVPs have been finalised. Drinks and food paid for, crafts probably 75% done, playlist even closer to being finished. We've got a few things to finish, and then we just have to get there and get married. That's it. And yet for the first time in this entire process I am feeling stress.
I've mentioned before that I felt like I was cheating at being a bride; every decision was breezy, I planned and organised everything so that I'd never feel any stress and I've had no problem asking for help (and being offered help by wonderful family and friends) so I haven't really needed to go 'bridezilla' at any point. But now I'm torn between wanting to get everything together and just get the day over with, being sad that my time as a bride-to-be is coming to an end, being excited to get married and over-thinking every aspect of it. Will the weather be bad? How will I stand in front of people and talk? What can I say that isn't corny and cliche? Am I going to have 'nervous tummy' on the day (my whole life, my natural response to anxiety has been vomit. Lots of vomit.)? Will my social anxiety take over, will I want to hide away? Am I going to look ridiculous and feel uncomfortable? Will everything I've worked on look awful when I put it all together? Will I be taken seriously as a bride?
Deep down I know that this is nothing but normal anxiety, stress finally catching up and giving me my fair share. I'm just not sure how to cope with it, or what brides say to themselves to make it better. How surreal am I going to feel, standing next to Jay and turning into a wife?! I was less stressed about becoming a Mum, probably because it was all out of my hands and all I had to do was turn up and do I as I was told. And maybe that's what I should tell myself now: you've prepared for this, you're ready, just turn up and forget about all of the other people.
Or maybe I'll just spend the next 10 days vomiting. Either's good.
Wednesday 29 July 2015
Thursday 16 July 2015
Pre-Teen Chores
One of our biggest difficulties raising Jelly has definitely been teaching her to take responsibility for her chores, and I wholly blame it on clashing parenting techniques between her two houses. While at her Mum's house Jelly may be asked to do some chores, but her Mum doesn't feel it is fair to put that kind of pressure on a nine-year-old. We whole-heartedly disagree. In this home, we all pitch in to our family home, allowing us to carry on with a good work-ethic and a sense of pride in ones own possessions.
We attempted to set up matching chores at each house a year or two ago, and it was just a disaster. If she didn't complete jobs at her Mum's house, she was given the money anyway as "its not her fault I didn't remind her", so she became quite happy to skip the money we were offering in order to receive money from her Mum and not lift a finger all week. We tried taking money away completely, we tried taking away her technology, she just didn't seem to care. She's only here half the week, and half a week is easy to wait out if you get to do what you want for the rest of it. It's so hard to instil values which are contradicted completely at the person's other home.
So here we are, in a situation where Jelly has been doing two jobs a week (folding socks every Saturday and making tea/coffee whenever we ask), and has not received any money from us since some time last year. Her birthday and Christmas gave her a bump in cash, so she hasn't felt the sting of going without, and unfortunately the complaints about just how much she is made to do at our house for zero reward are getting more and more frequent. It pains me to say it, but her work ethic sucks right now. But by the end of this summer, it won't.
Yesterday we had a conversation, where she told me she would like to try to earn some money. So we struck up a deal and I explained that it's very similar to what I do as a freelance worker, in the hopes of having her connect it with feeling grown-up and like she has a real sense of the value of her work. Here's the thing: I'm a workaholic, but that doesn't mean I love to work. It means I love to earn. Nothing feels greater. So I have drawn her up a price list. She knows how much each job is worth and the frequency of work is (aside from a few once-a-week jobs) entirely up to her. She is literally choosing how much money she will earn every week. The rules are: we don't remind her to do the jobs, we initial each job to agree it has been done properly, she works out the total and presents it to us (kind of like an invoice) for immediate payment at 6pm every Saturday. Suddenly she is given the chance to take responsibility, basically to own her own finances - I'm really hopeful that she's going to take this opportunity and run with it. Time will tell!
We attempted to set up matching chores at each house a year or two ago, and it was just a disaster. If she didn't complete jobs at her Mum's house, she was given the money anyway as "its not her fault I didn't remind her", so she became quite happy to skip the money we were offering in order to receive money from her Mum and not lift a finger all week. We tried taking money away completely, we tried taking away her technology, she just didn't seem to care. She's only here half the week, and half a week is easy to wait out if you get to do what you want for the rest of it. It's so hard to instil values which are contradicted completely at the person's other home.
So here we are, in a situation where Jelly has been doing two jobs a week (folding socks every Saturday and making tea/coffee whenever we ask), and has not received any money from us since some time last year. Her birthday and Christmas gave her a bump in cash, so she hasn't felt the sting of going without, and unfortunately the complaints about just how much she is made to do at our house for zero reward are getting more and more frequent. It pains me to say it, but her work ethic sucks right now. But by the end of this summer, it won't.
Yesterday we had a conversation, where she told me she would like to try to earn some money. So we struck up a deal and I explained that it's very similar to what I do as a freelance worker, in the hopes of having her connect it with feeling grown-up and like she has a real sense of the value of her work. Here's the thing: I'm a workaholic, but that doesn't mean I love to work. It means I love to earn. Nothing feels greater. So I have drawn her up a price list. She knows how much each job is worth and the frequency of work is (aside from a few once-a-week jobs) entirely up to her. She is literally choosing how much money she will earn every week. The rules are: we don't remind her to do the jobs, we initial each job to agree it has been done properly, she works out the total and presents it to us (kind of like an invoice) for immediate payment at 6pm every Saturday. Suddenly she is given the chance to take responsibility, basically to own her own finances - I'm really hopeful that she's going to take this opportunity and run with it. Time will tell!
Our suggested chores for a 9 year old: fold socks [once a week], 50p. Tidy bedroom [once a week], £1.00. Tidy craft cupboard [once a week], 70p. Tidy drawer [once a week], 70p. Feed and give cats water, 10p a day. Put own laundry away, 60p. Make bed, 10p a day. Dust shelving, 30p,
Wednesday 15 July 2015
Wedding Wednesday: My Bridal Shower
I honestly thought I'd blog so much of the pre-wedding process, but I've just been so busy living it all that I've totally forgotten to sit down and write about it. Maybe I'll share some vlogs on things like decorations etc, if there's any interest.
When I first asked my auntie to be my maid-of-honour, I was very clear about one thing: I don't want a stripper anywhere near any pre-marital celebrations. Call me crazy, but I just feel like if you've agreed to marry somebody you're probably not at a stage where you want a strange man rubbing himself on your face. Maybe that's just me.
My second request was that it could be appropriate for Jelly to come along with me. Yes, part of that was to ensure there was nothing untoward and ridiculously embarrassing planned, but also because I felt like it was important to me that she would be there. I sent out a list of email addresses of ladies I'd love to be there and left the rest entirely in the hands of my auntie Kerren and one of my bridesmaids, Daniella. I knew zilch.
As it got closer to the time, it got pretty obvious when the shower was going to be: I knew there was a select time period when my Mum was down this way (she lives 700 miles away), she gave me her daily itinerary and Saturday 27th June was her only day with zero plans, I kept getting texts and Facebook messages from people apologising that they had work or other plans on that day - yeah, people are not good at keeping secrets. Eventually, I admitted I knew exactly when the shower was (down to the exact time - 3 - 7 - because Jelly goes to her Mum's at 7pm on Saturdays so a late drop-off had to be arranged) and let myself start to get excited. The location, however, remained a complete mystery.
Between people not RSVPing (I totally sympathise with this, it has been the only thing I have hated about wedding planning!), people working, being a bridesmaid for somebody else that day or not having childcare available, there ended up being five of us there: me, my Mum, Kerren (auntie and MOH), Daniella (bridesmaid) and Jelly (bridesmaid). My other two bridesmaids couldn't make it - Kathy had to work so we arranged a spa break for just the two of us as our own celebration, and my sister, Sophie, is 11 and lives in Glasgow so it was never going to be feasible for her to come along. We bundled into a taxi, picking up Daniella from the train station on the way, and my auntie told the driver that the location was a secret from me so not to mention anything about where we were going. And off we went.
My bridal shower ended up being in Woughton, in a beautiful location where there was actually a wedding going on that day! After we managed to sneak past the bridal party having their pictures taken (whoops) and talking ourselves out of stealing a complimentary Bucks Fizz, we were led through to a beautiful room which was set up for afternoon tea. We each chose a different tea, then tucked into sandwiches and cakes which were absolutely gorgeous. We were stuffed by the end - and I definitely took the leftovers home in a doggy bag to share with Moo! I wasn't letting that go to waste!
Once we'd eaten we found a nice seating area in the reception where we set up shop to play some bridal shower games, drink champagne (Sparking apple juice for Jelly!) and open some presents. Kerren had emailed Jay and I a set of questions each to play The Mr & Mrs game and it turns out he knows me better than I know him, as I failed pretty miserably! My Mum arranged an adorable game, where she had pictures of me throughout my life and we guessed how old I was in each one (not surprisingly I won...) and then we talked, laughed, played the rizla game (though we used actual paper so I suppose its called 'Who Am I?'), I opened some gifts and we drank, talked and laughed some more. Afterwards we took a walk around outside where there were beautiful grounds, a rope swing hanging from a tree and beautiful arches and flowers galore.
I had a really beautiful day and can't thank the four of them enough not just for coming, but for the work that went in to arranging it all. Even Jelly bought herself a new frock and wore her 'fancy gloves'! I felt really special and very loved, and it made me all the more excited to share our wedding day with our awesome families and fantastic friends.
When I first asked my auntie to be my maid-of-honour, I was very clear about one thing: I don't want a stripper anywhere near any pre-marital celebrations. Call me crazy, but I just feel like if you've agreed to marry somebody you're probably not at a stage where you want a strange man rubbing himself on your face. Maybe that's just me.
My second request was that it could be appropriate for Jelly to come along with me. Yes, part of that was to ensure there was nothing untoward and ridiculously embarrassing planned, but also because I felt like it was important to me that she would be there. I sent out a list of email addresses of ladies I'd love to be there and left the rest entirely in the hands of my auntie Kerren and one of my bridesmaids, Daniella. I knew zilch.
As it got closer to the time, it got pretty obvious when the shower was going to be: I knew there was a select time period when my Mum was down this way (she lives 700 miles away), she gave me her daily itinerary and Saturday 27th June was her only day with zero plans, I kept getting texts and Facebook messages from people apologising that they had work or other plans on that day - yeah, people are not good at keeping secrets. Eventually, I admitted I knew exactly when the shower was (down to the exact time - 3 - 7 - because Jelly goes to her Mum's at 7pm on Saturdays so a late drop-off had to be arranged) and let myself start to get excited. The location, however, remained a complete mystery.
Me, Jelly, Daniella, Kerren in the mirror and my Mum taking the photo
Pouring Jelly her tea
Between people not RSVPing (I totally sympathise with this, it has been the only thing I have hated about wedding planning!), people working, being a bridesmaid for somebody else that day or not having childcare available, there ended up being five of us there: me, my Mum, Kerren (auntie and MOH), Daniella (bridesmaid) and Jelly (bridesmaid). My other two bridesmaids couldn't make it - Kathy had to work so we arranged a spa break for just the two of us as our own celebration, and my sister, Sophie, is 11 and lives in Glasgow so it was never going to be feasible for her to come along. We bundled into a taxi, picking up Daniella from the train station on the way, and my auntie told the driver that the location was a secret from me so not to mention anything about where we were going. And off we went.
My bridal shower ended up being in Woughton, in a beautiful location where there was actually a wedding going on that day! After we managed to sneak past the bridal party having their pictures taken (whoops) and talking ourselves out of stealing a complimentary Bucks Fizz, we were led through to a beautiful room which was set up for afternoon tea. We each chose a different tea, then tucked into sandwiches and cakes which were absolutely gorgeous. We were stuffed by the end - and I definitely took the leftovers home in a doggy bag to share with Moo! I wasn't letting that go to waste!
Clearly entertaining Daniella with my hilarious story...
Once we'd eaten we found a nice seating area in the reception where we set up shop to play some bridal shower games, drink champagne (Sparking apple juice for Jelly!) and open some presents. Kerren had emailed Jay and I a set of questions each to play The Mr & Mrs game and it turns out he knows me better than I know him, as I failed pretty miserably! My Mum arranged an adorable game, where she had pictures of me throughout my life and we guessed how old I was in each one (not surprisingly I won...) and then we talked, laughed, played the rizla game (though we used actual paper so I suppose its called 'Who Am I?'), I opened some gifts and we drank, talked and laughed some more. Afterwards we took a walk around outside where there were beautiful grounds, a rope swing hanging from a tree and beautiful arches and flowers galore.
Jelly pushing Granny Emma (my Mum) on the swing
And me pushing Jelly.
I had a really beautiful day and can't thank the four of them enough not just for coming, but for the work that went in to arranging it all. Even Jelly bought herself a new frock and wore her 'fancy gloves'! I felt really special and very loved, and it made me all the more excited to share our wedding day with our awesome families and fantastic friends.
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