Sometimes you write a post because you need to and you don't know what it's going to say until you've written it. This is one of those posts.
Our legal wedding is in nine days; our blessing ceremony/reception in 10. The relevant paperwork was completed weeks ago. Our RSVPs have been finalised. Drinks and food paid for, crafts probably 75% done, playlist even closer to being finished. We've got a few things to finish, and then we just have to get there and get married. That's it. And yet for the first time in this entire process I am feeling stress.
I've mentioned before that I felt like I was cheating at being a bride; every decision was breezy, I planned and organised everything so that I'd never feel any stress and I've had no problem asking for help (and being offered help by wonderful family and friends) so I haven't really needed to go 'bridezilla' at any point. But now I'm torn between wanting to get everything together and just get the day over with, being sad that my time as a bride-to-be is coming to an end, being excited to get married and over-thinking every aspect of it. Will the weather be bad? How will I stand in front of people and talk? What can I say that isn't corny and cliche? Am I going to have 'nervous tummy' on the day (my whole life, my natural response to anxiety has been vomit. Lots of vomit.)? Will my social anxiety take over, will I want to hide away? Am I going to look ridiculous and feel uncomfortable? Will everything I've worked on look awful when I put it all together? Will I be taken seriously as a bride?
Deep down I know that this is nothing but normal anxiety, stress finally catching up and giving me my fair share. I'm just not sure how to cope with it, or what brides say to themselves to make it better. How surreal am I going to feel, standing next to Jay and turning into a wife?! I was less stressed about becoming a Mum, probably because it was all out of my hands and all I had to do was turn up and do I as I was told. And maybe that's what I should tell myself now: you've prepared for this, you're ready, just turn up and forget about all of the other people.
Or maybe I'll just spend the next 10 days vomiting. Either's good.
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