Mental Health Awareness Week 2015

The 11th to the 17th of May 2015 is Mental Health Awareness week, and I thought I'd pop a little something up because it's close to my heart and because I think we all need to be a little bit more aware of eachother in general.

Did you know that 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience some form of mental health problem in the course of a year?

Did you know that 10% of children in the UK suffer with a mental health problem?

Did you know that British men are three times more likely to commit suicide than British women?

Did you know that women are more likely to receive treatment for a mental health problem than men? This point and the last combined suggest to me that women are more open to seeking help with a mental health problem and that men statistically will keep their problems to themselves until they become too hard to handle.

Did you know that 9 out of every 10 people with a mental health problem in this country feel that they experience some form of stigma or discrimination? 

Did you know that three out of every four young people with a mental health problem are too afraid to confide in their friends? 

These are just a few statistics that I've found from a quick Google search, but already it is clear that mental health problems can affect any of us, at any time, and that it is 2015 and mental health problems are still a taboo subject despite the fact that they are normal, we are normal, and we are all so much more than our serotonin and dopamine levels. So let's talk.

Hi. I'm Fee. I'm a Mum and a fiancée and a mature student. I'm funny, I'm kind, I'm clever and I'm loving. I like long bike rides, picnics, curling up with a good book and watching romantic comedies over a takeaway with some good friends. And I am on daily medication to help me with my depression and anxiety. 

How about you?

If you are concerned about your mental health or the mental health of somebody close to you, there are some great websites full of information and advice here and here. Speaking to your GP could change, or even save, your life. If I can do it, you can do it. It's time to talk.

Just life and stuff

My first exam, which was for American history, actually went really well yesterday. We had to choose two essay questions and I ended up going for one about cultural conflict in the 1920s and one about political paranoia in the Cold War. I was able to write and write on both subjects, there were no points that I had to stop and think "oh God, what do I write now?!" so all in all I'm confident that I've passed and am now up to 40 credits towards my degree! (The first 20 credits being from a module that has no exam, though I'm yet to actually receive my average grade). I got home and we celebrated by having our friend Kathy come over - our Thursday night get-togethers have become somewhat of a tradition! - eating KFC, doing the Time Warp and booking tickets to see Rocky Horror Picture Show in Birmingham next January, as a bit of an impulse buy. I'm really looking forward to it, though Lord knows what we're going to do about childcare.

Today it's just more revision, really. I have a Women's History exam on Tuesday which I'm really looking forward to, and then Blood and Iron (origins of the first world war, essentially) which I'm not so much so need to really brush up. I've been watching Crash Course videos every day so I at least feel like I've got SOMETHING to say, and holla! I feel like I can finally explain the July Crisis.

On Saturday the 16th I'm having a tooth extracted by conscious sedation as it has crumbled away at the teeth on either side have already began to migrate together, making it a bit tricky to come out. And then my final two exams, Holocaust and then Kings and Confessions (all about early modern Europe) are the 18th and 19th. I'm a little worried about the little time available from the 16th to the 19th and how much pain I'll be in/how much I'll feel like studying so I really need to knuckle down and feel confident by Friday the 15th I think.

And then I'll be finished! 120 credits down, 240 to go! I'm not sure when we get our exam results, I'm really hoping not to have to do any re-sits - aside from the obvious, the re-sits are a couple of weeks before the wedding and it's the last thing I need to be worrying about while trying to plan our big day. Three months today, somehow. WHAT? 

This has been a ramble but I've got back in to reading blogs recently and it's been so nice to actually read proper lifestyle, not staged posts to see who can get the most hits and be the best 'brand'. So I thought I'd just throw in a bit of a ramble. I know I'll look back on exam madness and laugh. Or look back in 3rd year and cry into my dissertation, wishing for exams...

Wedding Wednesday: The Stress With The Dress

As a child, I couldn't picture myself in the long white gown that sounded crispy when I walked. I couldn't see the sparkling tiara or the curled up-do that every bride wore with pride. I couldn't see myself walking out of a church to be showered with confetti, and that actually made me really sad. Why couldn't I be like my friends?

As you grow you realise the benefit of being unique. And, actually, quite often it is a lot cheaper not to follow the tide. I set myself a budget of £120 for my wedding dress, mostly because I fell in love with a little number on eBay the first day I started looking. The dress surprised everybody because it was so girly and quirky and completely out of the norm, but actually when I showed it to Jay (because, as you're about to find out, I didn't go for it in the end!) he wasn't surprised it all and said it suited my personality perfectly.

I do still miss this dress and wish I could 

have banked on it looking exactly like this as I'd have loved it.

Over time I started to see more and more horror stories about dresses from China. People were laughing at me and Googling articles about awful dresses from China when I'd tell them where my dress was from. And, actually, what was worse was when people simply asked me what my plan B was when I told them about my dress. Is it normal to respond to a beaming bride with 'what is your plan B?' when she talks about her dress?

At University one day I had one hour between lectures and in that hour I had a complete meltdown about my choice. I obsessively looked for a replacement in my price range that didn't come from China. I looked for small-time local dressmakers. I found a vintage-style dress that was made right here in Milton Keynes for only £30 and I felt really good about it, but when it arrived it was more brown than it had looked in the picture, the stitching along the hem wasn't great and it needed to be taken up about 5 inches. It just didn't *feel* like my wedding dress. Again I started to obsess about it and pored over page after page of alternative dresses. In the end I ended up showing Jay the dress, explaining that it just didn't feel right and I needed to get yet another one. He actually really liked it and said, since it was only £30, I should just keep it for special occasions. But I continued on my search.

My second rejected wedding dress. I was going to wear this

with a hot pink layered petticoat underneath.

Finally, I found her. Yes, she has a name, but I can't say it incase my fiance comes across it! £30 over budget. British dressmaker. Custom sizing, including length. Actually more traditional than I ever thought I'd go for, but when I look back on those childhood visions, that image I was embarrassed to admit because it didn't have a train flowing behind me, it is actually exactly what I always saw myself wearing. It is due to arrive around the 3rd of July (just over a month before the wedding, so time for any slight alterations) and I am so excited for it to get here.

Before wedding dress shopping I thought I was quite easy-going. I didn't 'get' why people got so angry about their dresses on Don't Tell the Bride because, hey, it's just one dress and it's just one day. But actually it turns out I really did know exactly what I wanted (who knew!) and I really wasn't willing to settle for anything less. Obviously I can't show a picture of what I went for!

COME ON, JULY 3RD!

In the Revision Pit

Oh man, I am the worst blogger. Mostly because I am never here, but also because whenever I am here I 'accidentally' migrate across to eBay and buy whatever pretty wedding things I set my eyes upon. It's a sickness, I swear to God.

But now I'm here and it's just to talk about being buried alive by revision, really. I've got a work deadline that came and went so I intend to make use of the bank holiday tomorrow to finish that off, and then my first exam is on Thursday which is a little bit scary. I have revised enough to feel like I know what I'm talking about for three subjects, I haven't yet started on the two subjects I have exams for the week after that. I'm worried if I start looking at other subjects I'm going to forget the things I 'know' for my first three exams. In fact, in an anxiety dream I had last night I ended up sitting in an exam room for one module and writing an extensive essay that I was really proud of... For the wrong module. 

I was intending to work on a revision techniques post for my fellow reviskateers (that was shit) but technique number one should almost always be 'don't stop revising to write a blog post nobody's ever actually going to read' so I've had to talk myself out of that one. I might write it in the summer and schedule it for next exam season.

So it was just a quick one today to say yes, I'm here, no, I don't ONLY talk about weddings. Jay is busy finishing up his computer game as his big end of year assignment and it's looking AWESOME so I'm really excited to see the finished product. The kids are good, Mooster had his 2 year check up and we were told he's a little on the chunky side (more to love!) but that there are no concerns, he's either on track or ahead of it. Jellybean is having her BFF over for a sleepover tonight so I'm just hoping it stops raining by tomorrow so they can get outside on bikes or something and not drive all of us crazy! I don't remember being that loud when I was 9. My mother would DEFINITELY agree... ;)

Wedding Wednesday: Our Perfect Venue.

I've never done a Wedding Wednesday post before, and it's not because I don't want to but simply because I've just had so much on my mind with University and parenting that the blog has had to take a total back seat. Ironic, really, considering how I'm meant to be blogging about how stressful it all is.

Anyway, I'm here now, and I am so ready to talk about our venue. First, a back story.

Long before we got engaged we talked about how formal weddings were just completely not right for us. The long white gown would make me feel like a fraud, we felt like wedding venues and caterers were just such a waste of money and honestly we'd be too stressed to even enjoy our special day if it was meant to be 'perfect'. We talked about just wanting to get our favourite people together, lighting a BBQ, having some games out so the kids could blow off steam, and ending the night with our nearest and dearest huddled around a fire pit. We thought if we could find somewhere that was basically a holiday house with a nice garden we'd just invite people round for a garden party and we'd have a little break with our kids at the same time. No need to get portaloos. No need for caterers. No need for a generator for our electricals. Perfect idea, right?

So pretty much the day we got engaged I was straight on TripAdvisor, local cottage rental websites, any holiday website I could find. I

was met with brick walls all along the way. I found *the one*, a quaint rose garden with a converted barn as accommodation after about a month of looking and got to the stage of paying a deposit, 

but JUST as I was about to send it off I clarified that there would be a nearby power source so that I could play music and the woman sent me back a really shitty email about how she hadn't realised we would want music (at a wedding, hello) and that she had no intention of getting the appropriate license (at our expense) in order to have permission to play music because 'our garden is just that. A garden.' and I could take it or leave it. I left it. Very very reluctantly, I left it.

I've always believed in fate. I've always needed to believe that everything happens for a reason. And the reason that woman flipped and got shitty was so that I had time to find our perfect venue. I broadened our search to the other side of Northamptonshire (we live in Buckinghamshire) and I ended up finding a working farm about 45 minutes away which has two cottages and a coach house. We booked one cottage, my Mum booked the second and a load of my family clubbed together to get the four bedroom house together, meaning that we had all of the space on the farm without worrying about any other guests. We are so lucky that my family booked those properties - we had intended to have the reception in the garden at our cottage at first so would have been fine either way, but now we have access to an even bigger space and it is absolutely beautiful. 

Described by the owners as 'what was originally a bit of a secret garden', the area we are using was left overgrown and abandoned until the owners bought the property, dug it all up and found this amazing space underneath. There is a huge vegetable patch (patch is an understatement!) with criss-crossing paths, quaint trees, benches (we're putting picnic benches out too), two lawns and several arches. We are getting married under a tree at the head of the vegetable patch as our guests sit at their picnic benches and watch - our wedding is so casual that we've told people to just wear whatever they want. We just want a happy day for everybody. It's a great excuse to get all of our favourite people together. The small lawn will have games and toys for the children. A friend of ours has a sound system and the tack house with the arched windows in the background of the lawn space has been fitted with electricity so all we need is an extension cord. It's like the place was made for us because everything has just fallen into place perfectly. We were told yesterday that it will be harvest season and as it is a working farm there may be tractors coming in and out of the property, would that be okay? Uh, yes! For some reason that sweetened the deal for both of us, probably because once again the 'pristine' nature of a wedding is forgotten and our wedding is nitty gritty, not polished but a hell of a lot of fun.

A bit like us really.

To Jelly, On Your Birthday.

Jelly,

You were my first. You were the one to teach me that the love between a parent and a child is unconditional. You taught me to be a Mum in my heart before I became one naturally, and I'll always owe mine and your brother's relationship to you. We have our challenges like every mother and daughter do, but at the beginning and end of each day you kiss me and tell me you love me and that is what matters.

As our relationship has progressed you have stopped referring to me as your Step-Mum and gleamed with pride when people describe me as your Mum. You'd fight my battles if I'd let you; your empathy knows no bounds and you'd do anything to ensure other people are happy before yourself. As you grow you are learning sarcasm and wit, and you are cutting and brilliant with it. You're reaching an age where you are curious, we can have candid talks, and you're not old enough yet to resent time with your family which I consider a blessing as the clock ticks you over into your final single digit. I love your humour and your vigour. The world amazes and excites you and I hope you never lose that spark. Don't become jaded by time and heartbreak because, my dear little Jellybean, it is unavoidable but if you have been raised right you are equipped to deal with anything.

Jelly, today you are 9. You love: Monster High, Adventure Time, being outside, riding bikes, doing your make-up, playing on your phone, your best friend T, playparks, getting muddy, your family. You hate: spiders, arguments, stew, rainy days, having your hair brushed.

Before you turn 10: you will be my bridesmaid! I will legally become one of your parents, although we both know I've been one for a long time. While you were 9 you gained confidence at maths and moved up two groups this year so academically, you've already done more than enough! I want you to enjoy reading like I did at your age - because sometimes imaginary worlds are the best places to stay safe. We will be outside every day of the summer, getting our knees muddy, eating picnics and exploring to your heart's content.

Happy birthday, Twinkle

Your Dad, your brother and I love you with all our hearts xxx

To Moo, On Your Birthday.

Good morning Little Moo, and Happy Birthday!

Today you are two, and there could not be a Mum who is prouder than I am. You were born at 9.15pm on the 5th of April 2013 in Bedford Hospital and I didn't see you until the middle of the night some time, when they popped down to let me have a look at you before ANTS arrived to take you off to Addenbrookes. I don't remember your face (Mummy was on a lot of drugs...) and I'm sure you didn't see mine, but you held my finger and I fell deeply in love.

The next morning, they told me you'd arrived safely and that I would be transferred to Addenbrookes once I had recovered enough from my c-section to go to the toilet (sorry for TMI. You're so embarrassing, Mum!) and to walk around. So that was that. I spent the day gearing up for it, then some time in the afternoon I decided I needed to see you as soon as I could and up I got. I don't remember a lot about that day, either, but I do remember walking in to a room of baby incubators, I will always remember the dull beeps of the machines, and somebody in blue scrubs pointing to the top left corner of the room. I didn't need to be told which one you were. The moment I saw you I recognised your face as if it was one I had seen every day of my life. I wasn't allowed to touch you because it stimulated your brain too much and made your EEG go funny, but I couldn't take my eyes off you. I was finally allowed to hold you when you were four days old, so the 9th of April will always be a secret, special little celebration for you and I, one that you'll never appreciate the way that I do, but one that I will always hold dear.

Of course, now I get to hold you every single day. You are a confident young boy, full of excitement. Sometimes you need a little nudge, but once you get started there is no stopping you. I have never known anybody to smile the way that you do. You are full of empathy. If you see me cry, you say 'Mummy sad' and cuddle and kiss me, asking 'Mummy happy now?' until I really am. You say sorry without being asked (usually...), you are using full sentences to talk to me about what makes you happy and what makes you sad. You are fussy with your food which drives me insane but is probably just karma from the years of trouble I gave my own Mum. You are fantastic at making friends and having everybody feel included. You ask me to hold your hand when you're feeling insecure. Sometimes you grab your blanket so you can climb onto my lap and just have me hold you for a while, and I will miss those moments sorely when you're too old and don't want them anymore. I'm excited about what the next year has in store for you. The only way is up, my special boy. Your sister loves you, your Mummy and Dad (and grandparents!) are so proud of you and everybody who meets you sees straight away that you are unique; different; somebody to keep an eye on because, some day, you are going to grow up into a wonderful adult to know.

Mooster, today you turn two. You love: Buzzbee, Frozen, The Simpsons (you call them Simbits), Thomas, owls (you say 'ta-whit-ta-whoooo!), snakes, dinosaurs (you call them dondas), your friends, your family, dragons ('ROOOOOAR!'), counting to ten, Room on the Broom and most of all The Gruffalo (lu-ha-lo). You hate: saying goodbye/being dropped off, tidying up, going to bed without pudding (holy tantrum), when your sister isn't home, wind/rain. ('hood mummy! QUICK! EMERGENCY!'), having your nappy changed.
Before you turn three: You will be in a bunk bed with your sister, which you're going to love. Hopefully you'll be potty-trained, or at least on your way. We'll have your colours nailed, be practising our alphabet and hopefully move from counting to 10 to counting to 20. And I can't wait to hear what words you'll come out with next - you're a snowball of expressions right now.

Happy Birthday, darling Moo.

We all love you more than you will ever know. xxx