Tiny Rebellions. #FreeWithFee

No matter what size, colour or shape you are, there are fashion 'rules' that you will be told to follow. I am a short, fat woman with an English rose complexion, so here are some things I should never do: 

Wear a maxi dress - it will only drown your short legs

Wear a maxi dress - the floating fabric will only make you look fatter

Dye your hair pink - your complexion is pink enough as it is, that colour will do nothing for you!

Wear anything sleeveless - nobody needs to see wobbly arms, fat rolls, bingo wings, stretch marks... 

Nobody wants to see any body that isn't perfect.

And yet here I am. My fat body is being drowned in light and flowing fabric. You can't even see my teeny tiny legs! All you can see is a shock of pink hair (which seriously needs re-doing! I know!), pale skin and cute little chubby arms. Oh, and a great big smile.

When I took my first steps on the journey of body positivity, I felt sad when I saw people wearing things that I "couldn't" wear, because my body was too this, or too that. But little by little I have added little touches to my wardrobe. Tiny rebellions which break the fashion laws. Crop tops to put over my fat belly and short torso. Vest tops so that my pale, wobbly arms are free. High collars to sit beautifully above my large bust. Being body positive is realising that you never had the "wrong body" to wear certain styles - you just hadn't found that key piece that made you feel amazing yet. The clothes were wrong, not your body.

Forget about policing your own wardrobe, and laugh in the face of anybody who dares police it for you. Be free this Summer! I want to see YOU breaking the rules (rules imposed by yourself, or by others), and absolutely rocking it - share your pics with me by using #FreeWithFee!

Paige's Ten Year Update.

On the 26th of April, Paige turned 10!

Paige is: Energetic, kind, intelligent, funny, sarcastic, artistic, hyperactive, sensitive, outgoing

Paige likes: Adventure Time, Shopkins, collecting rubbers, drawing, making PowerPoint presentations, Disney Infinity, being grown up, cycling, playing outside, watching YouTube, doing make-up/nails, Harry Potter

Paige dislikes: Tidying up, Turkish Delight, spoiled or mean people, being bored

When she was nine, Paige: Discovered a love of reading, performed Thriller at her sharing assembly, moved to higher groups in maths and literacy, gained new friends, learned about sex (!!!), had her hair cut to shoulder length after years of growing it, gained her Bikeability Level 2 certificate, became a young woman before our very eyes

Guest Post: Busy Little Barbie.

My friend Tanya from Secret Plus Size Goddess wanted to pop over and say hello to help tide me over during exam period, and to help celebrate the rapidly approaching new layout! Thanks for this super fun guest post idea and a really adorable challenge!

So... when the wonderful Busy Little Fee asked for bloggers to write a guest post for her blog, I immediately said yes, I would be more than happy to do one.

But after that, I went into a bit of a meltdown. What the hell was I going to write that would be suitable for someone else's blog? I mean, my random musings on my own blog aren't going to change the World, and If people don't like what I write, then they won't read it. And that is perfectly fine.

When you are writing a post for someone else, it becomes a different kettle of fish. What I write on her blog can affect her readership, and her stats. So I have to get it right.

But all I ever write about it dresses and family. And adventures. None of those really are relevant to me writing a guest blog post. Or are they?

Having a trawl online for new pretties, I decided I would like to use Sophie as my own personal Barbie. By visiting different sites and choosing things I would love to see her in, and that I think she would like I could get quite a different kind of blog post to my normal ones. So here goes

Getting to know Sophie over the past year or so, I think I have a fair idea of things that she may like (or not like)

Hopefully I have got it right, but if I haven't I am sure she will tell me. Whilst some of these choices may not be the right size for her, I chose to include them in the post as they called to me!

I have picked things that I think are cute, that can be worn solo or combined. It's a bit of an eclectic mix of styles. But I like them.

So what exactly did I choose for her......?

One // Two // Three

Sophie says: this outfit is my favourite outfit EVER. The bee is 100% me and that HANDBAG oh good lord.

One // Two // Three

Sophie says: This outfit is SUPER classy and I'd definitely wear it to a Winter wedding or a posh meal. 

One // Two

Sophie says: GOOD LORD I wish I had the confidence to pull this outfit off right now. I shall make that sweet little fishtail dress my ultimate goal.

One // Two // Three

Sophie says: this outfit is hilarious and brilliant, I am in love with Irregular Choice shoes and if a drink could be a Patronus, it would be this Liquid Sarcasm. The SOSD dress doesn't reach my size, which is super important for me to highlight because I actually considered buying this when it was full price and I couldn't. The brand lost themselves a MINIMUM of £100 and I'm confident there were plenty more plus size babes who would have scooped this up in a second!

Hopefully these would be items that Busy Little Fee would feel comfortable in wearing, I know I certainly would!

Finally thank you to the lovely Fee for hosting me on her blog, I hope you have enjoyed my post!

Tx

www.secretplussizegoddess.com

Michael's Three Year Update.

On the 5th of April, Michael turned three!

Apologies for the quality of this video. It was done on a really rubbish programme that made me make everything tiny. His fourth birthday video will be awesome, I swear!

Michael is: Loud, passionate, strong, stubborn, hilarious, witty, intelligent, kind, empathetic, happy

Michael likes: Elsa, Paw Patrol, choosing his own name each day (usually either Mikey, Mooster or Smellsa), pretending to do magic, Peppa Pig, singing, dancing, making people laugh, playing dress-up, complimenting people, saying 'I love you', family, sausages.

Michael dislikes: Anger, bedtime, broccoli, saying goodbye

When he was two, Michael: made us laugh again and again. Began potty training [and seems to have basically finished now he's been three for a few weeks]. Stopped being anxious in the mornings. Speaks like a big boy. Knows his own mind. Enjoys art. Made best friends with Tilly the puppy. Learned to sing.

April Showers.

April is strange in this house.

Our home is decorated with two lots of balloons, treated to two birthday cakes, it watches as two children excitedly tear open gifts. And yet both of our fathers died in April, so every balloon and cake and gift is tinged with a little bit of sadness because they never met these hilarious little monsters who are growing up and up and up before our very eyes.

Now that we are students, April has also become known as panic month. The month of GO GO GO before our May exams and deadlines and then, somewhere around mid May, it all just stops.

It is a Saturday morning and I'm laying in bed, because Saturday is my lay-in day. My head is full of a thousand things. Some trivial and mundane, some gnawing at me. I am snuggled in my duvet but there's a gorgeous April breeze creeping in through my open window. I am warm, cocooned in doughnuts, but the air is fresh and cooling. Today, the April breeze is my friend. My saviour. The children's birthdays in a month of grief. The light at the end of the exam tunnel. Whispering "it will all work out in the end" to every worry, every niggle, every concern.

April is a funny old month.

But this year, I think we can handle it.

Image source

A Pledge.

You guys, things are so crazy right now.

I'm working on my dissertation proposal at the moment, but the next month is just BOOM, BOOM, BOOM and it's making me feel kind of anxious. Between now and the 20th of May I will have completed three written assignments, two presentations, ran a focus group, compiled and analysed data for a project and sat three exams. That's just University. Never mind my work schedule and my personal life! It's times like these that I sit, paralysed, wondering what the hell I have done by piling so much on to myself. 

As with last year, the blog has no choice but to be my last priority, and that makes me sad. I am getting into vlogging more so maybe I can take my camera with me whenever possible, but that still leaves me with hours of editing to do - so we will see.

Things to watch out for from Busy Little Fee in the next month:

• Some friends of mine will be popping on to this blog to say hello.
• Michael's birthday vlogs.
• Paige's birthday vlogs.
• A cute little outfit or two.
• A brand new hair colour.
• An exciting total blog and brand makeover!
• I am working behind the scenes, pushing myself a bit more into networking and advertising.

So while life isn't going to be the most exciting around these parts for a little bit, I hope you guys can bear with me for the next six or so weeks - and then we'll have sunshine, fun and hopefully lots of cool stuff to share with eachother! Busy Little Fee is going to get bigger and better this summer - I'm super excited you'll be along for the ride!

10 Things You Didn't Realise Were Thin Privilege

For the purposes of research, I searched 'thin privilege' on Twitter last night. The results made me sad. Page after page of people rolling their eyes, saying there was no such thing as thin privilege or, worse, saying that if fat people wanted privilege too they should just lose weight. What actually went beyond sad and actually became laughable was the people saying that thin people had things worse than fat people. 

I think people are misunderstanding the definition of privilege. Privilege is: "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group". This doesn't mean that being thin gets you admitted into a special club with a gift basket and coupons for JuicePlus. It means that, although there are aspects of your life that you will struggle with - and those may or may not relate to your body - there are certain struggles you just don't have to face which fat people do. Admitting privilege is not undermining your personal struggles. It is just acknowledging that a group of people have struggles with something that doesn't personally hold you back in your own life.

Visiting a shopping centre to buy clothes

Scenario: you have a job interview. Or you need cheering up. Or you have a date. Or you want to hang out with your friends, trying on bad outfits to make a cheesey changing-room montage together (just me?). As somebody who is straight-sized, you are able to go into any shop and find clothes which you can pull on to your body. They might not fit you *just right*. Your feet could be hidden in fabric, your bum could look saggy, your top could be too low to contain your cleavage. But there are clothes that physically fit on your body in that shop. I cannot go into a highstreet shop and just squeeze my body into an item of their clothing. Your privilege is that it may not fit perfectly, but at least you are covered.

Cheap fashion

Ethical reasons aside, how I long to be able to buy a vest top for under a fiver. I wish I could go into Primark and leave with more than a travel mug and some sunglasses. I talked about how cool it was that fat bodies were being respected enough to be deemed worthy of high end fashion like the Beth Ditto range, but what about some cheap and nasty fashion? Your privilege is that you are able to treat yourself without spending as much money as me.

Planning trips ahead

You probably won't even think about this if you have thin privilege. There is a thought process that goes into every decision a plus size person makes, and that is: will I fit? Cinema or theatre seats come in small sizes, so is it worth paying for a ticket if I may have to leave? Last year I rejected a free trip to a theme park, very begrudgingly, because I knew I wouldn't fit in any of the rides. Will I be rejected from joining in with activities? Can I attend my best friend's 'assault course' hen party without being laughed at, or even being turned away because I won't fit in the tunnels? How big are the bathroom stalls where I'm going? Will people make rude comments to me? Even University can be stressful: I automatically feel less anxiety about a lecture if it doesn't have chairs with built in tables, because I can't fit behind those. Your privilege is that you are able to be spontaneous and enjoy life without worries based on your size.

Health lectures

Man oh man, it would be awesome to be able to be in a space where somebody could talk positively about their fat body without a concern troll wading their way in and judging your health based on the way you look. If you have read body positive media and wince about positive things being said about plus bodies, you are misguided. If you have read any of my posts about my own body (including this one) and assumed that I am an unhealthy person based on my appearance, you are misguided. But the problem is, you're not the only one. I live in a society where I have to tiptoe around my attitude to my own body because at any given moment I could be lectured about the extra layer of fat munching up my organs or whatever concern trolls are coming up with at the moment. Your privilege is that people don't assume to know your health based on the way that you look.

You can decide that things aren't offensive

When you are straight sized, there is a variety of media available to you that is tailored towards people with your body type and your mentality. Indeed, your mentality is perpetuated by this very media, and so the cycle begins. A big step towards body positivity is rejecting the messages that mainstream media spreads about your body, and 'call out culture' is an important tool in helping those who are not as far along in their journey as you are. If you are thin, it's not for you to decide that I "shouldn't be offended" or take things personally, because this media is FOR you, aimed AT me. Other than the fact that you can't just dismiss people's feelings because they don't fit your agenda, your privilege is that you can turn the other way when you see something you don't want to see. For a lot of us, there is no other place to go unless we create it ourselves.

Dating/friends - 'the fat friend' 'the funny one'

Dating or making friends can be hard when you're fat, because it's almost like you need to present and acknowledge that information up front and let people know how you feel about it. You've either got to be the confident fatty who owns his/her body, or be the apologetic fatty who is always trying to change it. As an unconfident fat person I always felt the need to 'make up for' the way I looked, using humour as a way to say "sorry for how I look, but don't go! I've got a great personality to make up for it! See?!" and honestly that is something I see so much of. Think of romantic comedies: how often is the fat woman the object of affection? And how often is she the butt of the joke? Your privilege is that you don't feel the need to alter your personality to suit people's attitudes towards your body.

It is assumed that you have self-control

Because every fat person wallows on their kitchen floor, stuffing themselves with cupcakes, right? Because every joke about "leftovers? What are they?" and "don't sugarcoat it or you'll eat that too!" is such an accurate representation of what it means to be fat, yes? Spoiler alert: fat people are regular people. I eat vegetables, just like you. I get full. I can leave half of a meal. I eat a varied diet, and sometimes I don't eat much at all. I don't chomp my way around life eating everything in sight. I HAVE SELF CONTROL. And the mere fact I even need to say that, and the mere fact that people will read this and think "yeah right" says it all. Your privilege is that you are allowed to be an authority on your own eating habits without judgement or doubt.

It is also assumed that you are capable of work

Being fat means living with the assumption that you can't move very quickly or for very much time. My evidence? Life. My husband is a fast runner and constantly being told "wow you've got some speed for a big guy". I worked 50+ hour weeks on my feet, running, dashing, squatting, not stopping for lunch breaks (that's right, I missed meals. And indeed THAT is what concern trolls should be worried about, because that is never healthy.) and it was constantly commented on with surprise that I was so fast and efficient. I saw a TV programme about employers that wouldn't employ fat people because they were labouring under the assumption that fat people would be dirty, smelly, slow and unintelligent. And they'd have missed out on a damn good worker if they'd have rejected me. Your privilege is that you are given a chance to prove yourself to be capable, it isn't assumed that you will be incapable or even a liability based on the way you look.

You don't receive judgement for exercising

I saw a phrase I liked once: I don't exercise because I hate my body, I exercise because I love my body. In other words, when you see a fat person exercising don't assume it means they want to change. A person can be fit, healthy and active and still be fat, and that is okay. I love the adrenaline rush after a good dance session or workout. I love lifting weights and feeling strong. But when you're fat and you exercise, people assume it means you must hate your body - or, worse, that you have some sort of 'goal' you are intending to reach. Your privilege is that you are allowed to maintain your fitness without it causing judgemental assumptions.

Anna of Glitter and Lazers

Justification for your body

And, finally, this old chestnut. It has long been said that there are "good fats" and there are "bad fats". Good fats have elements of their bodies that society are ready to get on board with. Hourglass figures are 'curvy' and therefore more likely to be sexualised. Some good fats have what society decides is a nice bum, or they might have a flat stomach. There is nothing about my body that society says is okay, and that is a-okay with me. But for many people, that thought can be really troubling. Your privilege is that society is happy to praise you for elements of your body that they deem to be acceptable.

You might find that only one of these applies to you. It could be a good 75%, it could even be all of them. Some fat people may not find that these apply to them, because they are in different situations than me and have access to different resources. And that is okay. It doesn't make you a bad person: what makes you a bad person is taking that for granted and denying that you are privileged. Be appreciative of what is positive in your life, acknowledge your privilege and be an ally to those who have less than you.